Share My Demons
by Life-Luvr123
Summary: Sideswipe was the heart throb. The lady's man and the one who supports all of the Autobots. However, his demons slowly catch up to him, he begins to act out, trying to out run them. But when a shattered girl is thrown into the world of the Transformers, can Lily and Sideswipe help each other to face the nightmares they hold? Sideswipe/OC rated for language/mature themes
1. Broken

**I do not own Transformers, only anything unrecognizable.**

**WARNING: I am just putting this out there – this one shot is VERY, VERY mature and darker than what I've posted, but this was VERY fun to write and a good growing experience for me to grow as a writer. :- ) So, this one shot, or at least this tiny fic written to look like a one shot, was inspired by Riot by UlurNaga – please go check it out! It's one of my favorite stories, so just go and find it.**

**Anyways, I got this idea for Sideswipe, because in all of the Fanfics/oneshots he's been in, I've always seen him as a player or a charismatic lady's man. However, what is truly behind that motive with Sideswipe? Why is he such an eye catch? Why does he use human women just for that one night?**

**Underneath, he doesn't really care, lives for the rush, and just wants to run from his pain hidden in his heart all while trying to serve the Autobots as best he can. However, the newest addition to NEST, the delicate Lily – a petite college student who is studying to be a writer, and prefers to be in the background away from people like Sideswipe – just might be what he needs to truly heal himself. But, can he understand the necessity of being a Guardian to someone who hates him as he hates her? Or could this girl be just the medicine Sideswipe needs to face his demons – and can he be there when she truly needs him the most?**

**TALLY HO WITH THIS TALE!**

Nighttime street racing, one of the epitomes of adrenaline junkies. Starting in a local skate park, the racers all brought their cars, lavishly washed and waxed so that the paint seemed to be liquid against the lights, and their lights adjusted into Halo racer lights. Lining up, the punk rock blasting in stereos seeming to vibrate the racers, they took their positions in the starting line-up, readying their cars. One racer in particular had obviously been looking forward to this race for weeks.

The silver Corvette Stingray Concept, one of less than ten in the world, had been shined so that it's paint looked like solid moonlight rolled gracefully up to the front of the line-up, his dark windows tainted to be completely black, absolutely no way to look in, with the most strobe like Halo lights installed into its headlights.

The driver's door opened vertically, and the driver stepped out. His hair was platinum blonde, sweeping like a surfer's, and he was wearing a silver vest with no shirt underneath, flashing his carved, slim chest. There were scars across his pectorals, giving him that warrior warning note to him. Black cargo pants donned his legs with silver combat boots on his feet. On his eyes there were black sunglasses, but what was so shocking to the regulars in this racing strip was how _young_ he looked.

He smiled and one of the trophies, as the racers called them, smiled devilishly and walked up to him, caramel colored skin practically deep brown in the lack of light. With her slim body, larger breasts, and sauntering hips, it was obvious she was looking for a _favor_ from him later. He walked right up to her, and wrapped one hand around her waist, and without warning, kissed her. She kissed him back, pressing her pelvis against his. The driver pulled away, licking his lips and brushed past her, her biting her lip seductively after him.

The driver walked over to a man surrounded by tough looking racers, none without their own scars. He smiled arrogantly, and spoke, his voice dignified but filled with pride and arrogance. "I'll give you 100,000 limit for those who bet on my ride,"

Everyone around him chuckled, and the dealer smiled. "Look, kid. You're a rookie, and I'm gonna be blunt; looks don't win a race. I'll set you at 25,000, but that's all,"

The driver took off his glasses, revealing neon blue eyes. "Look, man. You're the dealer, and I'm gonna be blunt, too. You ain't ever gonna see another racer like me. Set me at 100,000 and no less,"

One of the racers surrounding the dealer stepped forward, his hulking, blubbery features making the younger driver look like a twig. "Hey, Fresh Meat. The dealer makes the rules on the sets. You don't like em, get outta here,"

'Fresh Meat' smiled at the hulking driver. "And you are?"

"The racin' name's Mammoth, twig," the driver replied.

"Well, Mammoth, sound to me like someone's scared to lose to the new kid," the younger driver proudly proclaimed. He crossed his arms over his chiseled chest. "The name's Sideswipe, before you ask," he added cheekily.

Mammother narrowed his eyes, taking a threatening step forward. "Wanna say that again, Ass-wipe?" he growled deeply, threateningly. He took another step forward, almost filling the space between them his belly was so massive.

Sideswipe smiled. "Sounds like someone's scared to ride," he said again, more deliberately this time. The other driver's began to murmured amongst one another, darkly excited. Mammoth gave a broad, dark smile. "How about you and me, small fry, how about we up the stakes?"

Sideswipe smiled. "Alright, what's your bet?"

Mammoth glanced up and raked his eyes over Sideswipe's car. "Your ride, if I beat you,"

Sideswipe nodded, not even nervous. "Alright. You get the car. If I win, I get your choice of a girl for the week," Mammoth chuckled. "All the newbie wants is a little girl around him? Alright, my girl against your car," he reached forward with one hand. Sideswipe regarded the man with clear, prideful eyes, and took his hand, and shook it. "Deal," the boy said. The drivers around them began to whoop and cheer, patting both betting parties on their shoulders roughly as they all began to disperse to their own cars.

Sideswipe took his hand back, and walked over to his true form, climbing in the driver's side. Once there, he glanced at the steering wheel, at the very heart of it. In the horn, there was a symbol that blazed at him, almost staring at him accusingly. The strong, proud symbol of the Autobots, the freedom fighting transforming robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron stared at him from less than twelve inches away. The very symbol of their cause to fight stared at him, almost glaring in disappointment. Sideswipe knew he shouldn't be here. He had to stay hidden, retain his identity of what he truly was.

But the other Autobots would never understand. They saw the swift, arrogantly brilliant Sideswipe. They didn't understand their silver comrade's need for speed.

As he and the other drivers were set to go into motion, he glared ahead, pushing those thoughts from his head. He was racing, and _nothing_ was wrong with racing. Nothing was wrong with him. The signal went, and he pressed the gas down, his engine roaring powerfully as he sped forwards.

***Share My Demons***

In a town, just up the road from the race, a small group of paramedics were hard at work. About twenty minutes earlier, they had gotten a call of a young woman being raped and attacked in an alleyway

. They, the police, and a fire truck had raced to get to the girl, and when they found her, she was a mess. Her wrists were rubbed raw from her binds, her forearms covered in scars, some opened and new, others long healed but still prominent, her skin covered with welts and scratches, and her body violated and in pain. Her eyes were closed when they arrived, but keeping themselves professional, they gently began to aid the girl, cleaning her wounds on her skin, and rope from her wrists.

The girl herself couldn't believe, understand, or feel safe even with the police and paramedics around. She was wrapped gently in a blanket, which she pulled tighter around herself, too shocked to even cry her broken feelings into the world. She couldn't get the pain out her head, even as it transformed into soreness around her as the minutes slowly ticked by. The paramedics then handed her to the police.

One of the older officers, a man who looked to be in his later thirties early forties walked up to her gently and slowly. In his time the man claimed he had seen it all – and he had seen a lot- and he had seen several rape victims, but with this one there was just no pattern to it. The victim, a younger woman with straight, soft light brown hair and green eyes that shimmered like emeralds, looked to be in her early twenties, maybe late teens. She was currently sitting, wrapped in a blanket in a squad car, her feet dangling out the opened door of the parked vehicle.

He walked to her and kneeled in front of her, and only then did the officer realize how delicate she looked. He smiled gently, and spoke. "Hello, young miss," he said politely. Her eyes twitched to him, but she didn't raise her head, drawing the blanket closer to her. The officer understood – the poor girl was terrified. But, he continued to speak, softly and gently. "My name is William. William Lennox, but you can just call me Lennox, ok?"

The girl gave the slightest of nods, and she shrank into her blanket a little, like a turtle.

Lennox smiled. "Can you tell me what your name is?"

The girl remained silent, before a small voice peeped from her lips. "Lily. My name is Lily Rivers," she whispered.

"Lily, where do you go to school?"

She hesitated yet again. "I go to school in Iowa, but I live here in DC," she whispered.

Lennox nodded. "I live here too," he replied gently, trying to get her to relax a little. She didn't react.

"How old are you?"

Another silent pause. "I'm nineteen,"

Lennox smiled, and then gently reached forward, putting only one finger on Lily's knee through the blanket. "Lily, do you think you can tell me about what happened?"

Lily flinched, and sunk deeper into the blanket around her. "I was…I was….." she whimpered. "I was walking….." she then closed her eyes and shook her head quickly and stubbornly.

Lennox gently rubbed his finger on her knee. "That's ok, you don't have to tell me, ok?"

Lily suddenly spoke. "He was a cop. But….his eyes…..they were red…and not as if he was drunk…..they were _red_," she gasped, beginning to cry from fear. Lennox instantly began to stiffen. "Lily? He had red eyes?"

The frightened girl didn't reply, only beginning to sob uncontrollably for the first time since she had been found. Lennox patted her knee. "Hey, it's okay,"

Lily shook her head. "No! Its not!" she wailed. One of the paramedics came from their huddled group over to Lennox and the victim. "Sir, please no questions. She's traumatized, and she needs to recover from this,"

Suddenly, the sounds of engines sounded in the distance, and everyone looked up, Lennox included. Up the street, turning from the direction of the town skate park, came a long line of racing cars, the lead a silver Corvette Stingray Concept. Lennox gritted his teeth, anger beginning to boil in his stomach, and stood, moving up the sidewalk towards the cars. The cars behind the Concept instantly turned down a different road, seeing the flashing lights of the emergency vehicles ahead of them. The Concept however, kept driving slowing as it recognized the human closest to it. It rolled down its passenger side window, and pulled itself to a stop next to Lennox.

Lily glanced after Lennox, her heart still quaking as she cried softly now, trying to retain herself. Lennox leaned down to the passenger window, and began to talk to the driver, obviously knowing him. Lily felt her defenses rise even higher than ever, threatening to make her separated from the world entirely. Then, Lennox suddenly shouted.

"I don't care if you were just having fun! This is not what you can do, and you know that!"

Lily wondered who the man was yelling at, but she didn't care after a moment.

This wasn't the first time Lily had been raped and abused, but it certainly was still as frightening as the first time, especially with her attacker having those piercing, glowing, red eyes. His surprising strength, and total brutality had scarred her psyche far deeper than she could heal. She bit her lips, wondering what would happen to her. Was that cop part of the Front Runners gang too? Was that why he'd picked her to do…_that_ to? She buried her face in the blanket, fear and vulnerability making her feel raw and weak. When would her nightmare with that gang _end_?

"Lily?"

The gentle voice prompted her to look up, seeing Lennox and a newcomer. The man she had spoken so softly with has disappeared as he glared at his companion. The newcomer however, was completely foreign to Lily, which was almost a welcome relief. The boy had blonde hair, sweeping on his head almost gracefully. His chest was bare, only a silver vest covering the skin with those black cargo pants and silvery combat boots. He had his face down at the street, like a teenager who had just been caught sneaking in past curfew. Which as accurate, as he seemed to be only three, maybe four years older than Lily at the most.

She looked back at Lennox, not wanting to be caught staring.

Lennox kneeled down in front of her once more, a gentle, tired expression on his face now. "I know you've been through a lot. But, if it's alright with you and your parents, I would like Sideswipe here to give you a ride to your house, and then take you to my work so I can check up on you tomorrow,"

Lily shook her head. "No, it-it's ok. The a-ambulance can give me a ride," she stuttered. She didn't want to be alone with this stranger! He was a freaking street racer for crying out loud! They were no better than the other men who had used her in her past.

Lennox smiled and spoke softly. "Swipe isn't going to hurt you. He's in enough trouble with me and his parole officer as it is,"

'Sideswipe' turned to Lennox. "Parole officer?"

Lennox stood and took a very close step to Sideswipe. "Yes, parole officer. Because trust me, when Optimus hears of this, he will _not_ be very happy – especially since this isn't the first time that this has happened." The man hissed to the teenager.

Sideswipe glared straight into Lennox's eyes, both men raising their hackles at each other. Finally, Sideswipe looked away with a sighed. "Fine, I'll drive her home – but that's-"

"And you'll stay the night so she doesn't get frightened, and drive her to base in the morning," Lennox finished, his voice leaving no room for argument. Sideswipe grumbled under his breath, and began to walk back to his car.

Lennox sighed, and ran a hand through his coppery hair before turning back to Lily with an apologetic smile "Want me to call your parents?"

Lily shook her head softly, still in her blanket like a turtle. Lennox hesitated, and then extended his hand to her. She eyes it suspiciously before standing herself, the blanket wrapped tightly around her small frame. Lennox didn't touch her, finally understanding that she wanted to feel secure for now, and led her to Sideswipe's car. Lennox opened the door for her, and smiled at her. She got in gingerly, glancing at Sideswipe who didn't so much as even look at her. Which was fine by her. Lennox leaned in the window. "Lily, Sideswipe will be staying the night to make sure that you aren't attacked again ok? Take a nice long shower, do whatever you have to do, okay, Lily?"

Lily nodded, her eyes drooping as she tried to make her already tiny body even smaller than what it normally was.

Sideswipe muttered. "What's your address?"

Lily hesitated, and then gave it to him. Sideswipe looked thoughtful before nodding, almost angrily, and sifted the gear on his car. Lennox backed away, and Sideswipe hit the gas and the pair screeched away.

As Sideswipe pulled away, he could not _believe_ that Lennox had known about his night time race sneak outs. And on top of that, he had been forced to exit the race, lose the girl for the night, and get stuck driving home _her_, like he was so chauffer puppy dog. He kept his glaring eyes on the road. But after a few minutes of silence, he couldn't help it. He glanced at the girl out of the corner of his eye. She had half of her face buried in her blanket, which she had pulled up to her chin. Her eyes had closed, and there were small little valleys on her grimy cheeks were her tears had cut through, and her hair was matted with grime and other fluids and was messy. He glanced back at the road, and sighed. "I'm sorry you had to…uh…" he said, trying to break the ice.

Lily didn't say anything, just looked at him with seething green eyes. "Don't apologize, ok?" she whispered harshly. "I don't need sympathy," she then turned away from Sideswipe, something in her words striking a chord within him. He huffed, and muttered under his breath. "Yeesh, I was just trying to be polite,"

Lily spoke, not facing him this time. "I don't need pity from a _street racer_," she snapped. "If anything, you've probably done the same things to other girls that were done to me tonight," she said, partially accusing Sideswipe. There was a tone in her voice that made Sideswipe narrow his eyes in confusion, as if she had gone through this before, suggesting why she seemed to recover so quickly. But still, what she had truly said stung his pride.

"I would _never_ hurt someone just for the benefit for it!" he shot back at her.

Lily turned back at him, glaring with those green eyes of hers. "I notice you didn't deny rape,"

Sideswipe furrowed his brows in confusion. _Rape? _He quickly connected to the internet and was about to search the word, when Lily spoke. "That's my house, right there," she said, pointing to a small, one story home. Sideswipe slowed considerably, and drove a little past her driveway before turning, backing into it. He put his true form in park, and before he could say anything more – and he was about to with his mouth opening – Lily unbuckled her seat, and got out of his car form, slamming the door. Sideswipe growled, and got out too.

He rounded the car, stomping after Lily who flinched at his first few angry steps after her, but she didn't speak again. Walking up to her front door, she tentatively reached out of the blanket and Sideswipe's eyes widened when he saw the scars covering her arms. She didn't even glance at him, but reached to her door frame before plucking a key from the top of it. The golden metal flashed in the little light, and she shakily stuck it into the door knob and twisted it. The door opened, and she walked in, careful not to slam it in Sideswipe's face – not that it wasn't tempting.

Inside, her living room was the first room to greet them. A green couch facing away from the door at a small TV with a coffee table strewn with papers and sketches in between them. Then, there was a half wall leading to her kitchen, and a hall way past that to the left that led to the bedroom, and her bathroom.

Lily motioned to the couch before withdrawing her arm back into her blanket, obviously not bothered by her scars.. "It's a pull out, so I can sleep there. You can take my room," she said softly, trying to be a little more polite. She was raised to treat guests right.

Even if they broke the law on occasion and had washboard abs. Sideswipe scoffed though. "You can sleep in your room. I'll sleep on the couch," he said roughly, moving to it before flopping down on the green couch. Lily stiffened in annoyance, but sighed exasperated and moved through the kitchen to her bathroom.

Sideswipe stared after her, wondering what her problem was. All he had done was try to offer his sympathies for her situation, and she had snapped at him because he had been in a street race. Sweet Primus, none of the other femmes on this planet were like that. At least not the ones Sideswipe liked. There was a faint sound of distress in the bathroom, the acoustics making it echo in Sideswipe's stronger ears. He glanced back at the direction she went in, and about three minutes later, there was a faint echoing stream of water in the bathroom. Nodding, Sideswipe tilted his head back, and closed his eyes, his lack of recharge slowly catching up to him. He would have won that race too, had Lennox not caught him in the act. However, his thoughts began to grow fuzzy, and he finally let stasis claim him.

Lily faced the downpour of the raging hot water, glad when she felt its hot streams relaxing her terrified and tense body. Glancing down, she looked at the two newest wounds, blood flowing freely from her wrists. She didn't care. It helped, the physical pain distracting her from the mental pain, the pain of the fear and memories pounding in her mind. She had thrown away the razor once she had done it, glad that she could have helped herself relax from her pain. She closed her eyes, balling up her fists, and le her arm drop back to her side as she lifted her face back to the shower head, content to stay that way forever.

However, she sighed and quickly turned around and put some shampoo in her hand and scrubbed her hair. Once that was done and rinsed from her long locks, she grabbed the soap and lathered herself in that before letting it wash away, wishing the water could take away the emotional and mental marks of tonight too. By the time she had exited the shower, her two newest cuts had finally stopped bleeding, and were just beginning to scab over. She wrapped a towel around her body, careful to tuck in a way that it would stay wrapped around her. She took a brush from the draw by the sink, and ran it roughly through her locks, forcing the knots out and ignoring the pain as she ripped roots after roots out.

She then stared at herself in the mirror, looking at the small, frightened girl she was. Only nineteen, and she had been through so much worse than she had ever envisioned for her life. She turned away from her reflection, and walked down the small hallway to her bedroom. Once there, she gently took her robe off, and got into her underwear quickly, pulling a baggy t-shirt over her head and yoga pants up her legs. She glanced down at her arms, covered in scars. Some of them ran deeper than everyone could see, and she just would cut more to hide those scars. No one had to see what she was, and scars hide more scars.

She then stepped back outside and into her kitchen, feeling a bit hungry. She glanced at the living room, seeing Sideswipe rubbing his face. She was about to ask him if he wanted anything when she stopped, looking at him once more. She was seeing Sideswipe's head up and looking at her – with _piercing, glowing blue eyes. _Lily gasped and took a step back, squeezing her eyes shut before looking at him again, this time, the glow seemed to be gone. Sideswipe was looking at her funny. "What's with you?" he snapped groggily.

Lily then set her fearful expression behind one that she knew would look peeved. "Nothing, what's with you?" she shot back lamely. She turned away from him, turning to her pantry as she grabbed her bread and Nutella. She turned back to her counter. "Want anything to eat?" she muttered. Sideswipe scoffed. "No thank you," he snapped rudely. Lily rolled her eyes, and made herself her sandwhich, careful not to look at the blade, else she might get tempted… she shook away the thought, throwing the butterknife she had grabbed into the sink with such a loud clang Sideswipe jumped from his laying position off the couch, looking around for danger.

Lily blinked. So…he was really going to protect her? She shook her head. He's a street racer, and has done things to girls that she had gone through since that first…. NO!

She squeezed her eyes closed, and braced her hands against the counter, trying to fight back the memories. She heard soft footsteps, and turned her head to see Sideswipe right next to her. "Are you okay?" he asked, genuine concern in his eyes. Lily was almost lost in those eyes. They were glowing, and capturing, just like…..just like that man who had done her in tonight…..but their striking blue somehow was soothing. And deep down, Lily suddenly realized that Sideswipe truly was worried for her. She was lost in those eyes, those shocking eyes for a moment when he began to sniff, breaking the weird pull he had suddenly over her.

Sideswipe stiffened when he smelled fresh blood. He realized that it was Lily's. He gently reached out to her arm, but before his skin could even graze hers, she widened her eyes, and pulled away. "Please…just don't touch them," she murmured. Sideswipe furrowed his brows, feeling that tangible tension in the air she had felt. "Lily, did you hurt yourself?"

Lily suddenly felt her mind race. She had never told anyone that she cut before, but she didn't want the first person she told to be a complete and total stranger. She quickly spoke though. "I must have reopened it when I was washing myself," she said. Sideswipe's eyes narrowed in suspicion, but he didn't press her, much to her surprise. He shrugged slightly and moved to the couch once more, plopping down on it.

Lily just looked at him a moment before quickly putting the Nutella and bread away, grabbing her sandwich and almost running to her room and away from him.

Once Lily had gone back to her room, Sideswipe felt the temptation to sneak back out, ignore the speed limits and _drive_. But something held him immobilized to the couch, reluctant to move. He shrugged, and was about to sleep when a comm link opened up to him.

:Sideswipe?: came the baritone voice of the leader of the Autobots.

Sideswipe slapped his face. _Scrap. _:I hear you, Prime.:

:What am I going to do with you?:

Sideswipe was actually surprised by the straight up question. He had been expecting a rebuttal, or a lecture right away, but instead, the Prime had sounded as if _he _ had failed _Sideswipe_. The warrior spoke. :I… I don't understand, sir.:

:Sideswipe…. I don't know what to say to you right now. All I can say is that we will talk over your actions tomorrow, when you come back to base.:

:…Yes, sir.:

The link closed. Sideswipe ran his hand over his face, digging his palms into his eyes as the one question he was running from burned in his mind.

_Would this have happened if Sunny were here?_

_***Share My Demons***_

Lily hadn't touched her sandwich in the night, even thought she was practically addicted to Nutella. She had just slipped under her cool sheets and slept fitfully, tossing and turning as she struggled to fight the memories. She had kept tracing her scars, and when the memories came, she often dug her nails into the skin, ready to rip should it get too much for her. But it never did. Once the dawn began to come around, Lily got out of bed, rubbing her eyes as she swung her feet over the side of the mattress. '

She glanced in the mirror before going to her closet to change, wishing she hadn't caught her reflection's eye. Everytthing about herself disgusted her. How weak she was in the face of everything she had gone through. Her scars marring her skin all across her arms. Her guarded eyes, always putting on the air that she was fine. She stripped and then changed into a bra, fresh underwear, more yoga pants, and a baby blue noodie, no shirt underneath. With the heat of spring, she would get too hot too quickly with her sweater – but she didn't want others to see her scars.

She walked out and was startled to see Sideswipe gone. She hadn't been expecting his presence, but she realized that something about him _was_ naturally protective. She walked to her fridge, grabbed her microwavable pancakes and a plate from her cupboards. She set three pancakes on the plate, and put them in the microwave. She turned back to the living room, and nearly jumped out of her skin when Sideswipe was suddenly in her entrance to the other room, leaning against it casually. His blue eyes looked the same as last night, strangely mesmerizing and comforting, despite their intense coloring.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack!" she snapped at him, not angrily, just surprised at his magical appearing act.

Sideswipe chuckled at her. "I was just changing myself," he said. Lily finally lowered her eyes from his face and took in the rest of him. A white shirt with two gray stripes running horizontally. Faded jeans that hugged his slim but strong body in just the right ways, but Lily didn't lower her gaze any further than that, not wanting him to think she was staring. She brought her eyes back to his face – when she realized that he was staring at her. She flinched from his gaze, and his eyes met hers once more. She turned away from him, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Once it did, she walked back over to it, still feeling that gaze on her. She decided to distract him from her, hopefully by throwing him off. "What's your real name?"

"Hmm?"

Lily, her back to him, glared at the air in front of her when she realized he was staring at her. "You do have a real name, right? Sideswipe isn't a name,"

Sideswipe snorted. "It is my name," he snarled protective of his designation. "And it's a lot better than some flower," he added angrily.

Lily laughed to herself. "Your name sounds too much like a joke," she chuckled. "Sideswipe. What, did your dad side swipe your mom?" she laughed.

Sideswipe tensed, but didn't press it. "Eat. We have to see Lennox this morning, remember?"

Lily turned her head, her hair spilling down her back as she turned. "I know!" she shot back at him, glaring at him. She turned and walked over to her small, round table tucked in the corner of her kitchen, settling in the chair that was pressed against the very corner of the half wall, almost hiding her from view. Sideswipe narrowed his eyes at the movement. What did she hide from? His instinct as an Autobot instantly flared, wanting to protect her from any harm that came by her. He shook his head and walked back to the couch, looking through the piles of papers on her desk for the remote control to the TV. She and he hated each other. He wasn't her Guardian, nor would he want to be. He would protect her for the day longer, but that's all.

"Don't you have a remote?" he called to her.

"Under the right couch cushion," she answered, her mouth sounding full. Suddenly, there was a song playing. Broken by Seether. Sideswipe peered back at the kitchen with a funny look as it cut off. Lily's voice came. "Hello?"

Sideswipe was about to answer her, when he heard a faint voice due to his much stronger hearing. _"Hey Lily! It's Sana!"_

Lily's voice instantly brightened. "Sana! Hey, what's up?"

_"My plane just landed back in California. I just wanted to call and check up on you, seeing as how you stayed in boring ole DC,"_

Lily scoffed. "I'm…I'm fine," she stammered, trying to hide the quivering in her voice. Sideswipe narrowed his eyes.

Sana's voice came again. _"Lily? Are you ok?"_

Lily sighed. "No… I…. it happened again,"

_"Oh my gosh! Lily, you got attacked again!?Are you okay?!"_

Lily laughed, lightly but fake. "Sana, don't be so dramatic,"

_"Lily, this is the fourth time this has happened!"_

"I am _fine_, Sana," Lily said firmly.

_"Lily, honestly. I told you that you should get out of there,"_

"Sana, that won't work and you know it. The…." Her voice dropped. "The Fifth Wheel would just find me again. I don't know why they got me in their sights, but if I stay in one place, the less people I put at risk." Her voice was almost wistful, but Spark wrenching all the same.

_"But Lily! That's no excuse for them to keep attacking you! Raping you!"_ Sana argued angrily. _"You have to tell the police this time!_"

"Sana! I told you, the police can't do anything about it!" Lily snapped harshly. "Now, stop worrying about me, I've dealt with this shit for years, okay?"

_"Lily-"_

"How's your brother? Is chemotherapy working for him?"

_"Lily, changing the subject won't make me insist that you move out here with me. My dad can protect you! He's a freaking FBI officer for crying out loud!"_

Lily sighed, and Sideswipe began to grow uncomfortable with hearing this. He stood, and quickly walked to Lily, rounding the corner of the entrance. She stared up at him in confusion, but Sideswipe didn't say a word. He grabbed the cell phone that was in her hands, and pressed it to his own ear. "Listen, she doesn't want to talk about it. Hang up, and call back in about three hours when you've learned to take a hint," he snapped into the receiver. Before Sana or Lily could react to his words, Sideswipe pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up. He tossed the phone back in Lily's lap, not looking at her furiously flushed face, and walked back to the couch, flicking the TV on.

Lily groaned, and stood, her plate empty except for left over syrup from her pancakes and her fork. She dumped the plate in her sink, and ran water over it, her eyes unwillingly locking on the knife from the night before. The blade seemed so tempting, so shining….. but she violently shook her head and walked away, going back to Sideswipe. She put her hands on her hips. "So, are we going so you can get out of my life?" she growled at him.

Sideswipe smiled. "Yep. We're going to see Lennox, and then I'm out. Forever," he said all too eagerly. Lily didn't care. She turned to the door, and began to walk towards it, when Sideswipe somehow beat her to the door. He stood in front of it, his hand on the knob as he peered curiously down at her. "Does she bother you much? That…Sana?" he asked.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Sana is my best friend and roommate. She is just really worried about me living here is all," she snapped, trying to push past him. However, his narrow, lean arm was like steel, and Lily furrowed her brows in confusion. Sideswipe kept looking at her intently, and Lily's heart began to race in fear. Would ….. would he finish what had happened to her last night? She took a half step away from him, but his gaze never left her face, as if he was trying to see straight through her eyes and into her brain. He opened his mouth, his other hand moving towards her. Lily squeezed her eyes closed, and tightened her fist, looking down in terror.

"Lily," his voice was almost strangely soft and gentle. He hadn't touched her after all. His hand had stopped, hovering over her upper arm, her left one. "What did she mean by 'again'?" His voice was gentle, pressing curious.

Lily's eyes widened for a moment before narrowing. She took back her step and got into Sideswipe's face. She hissed at him. "That is _none_ of _your_ business!"

Sideswipe shrugged. "Whatever," he said, his old, arrogant toad like self resurfacing. He turned away from her, finally opening the door, and Lily hid her exhale of relief at the way out. She stepped out after him, careful to tuck her door key into her shoe. She walked over to the Corvette, glancing around nervously as if those eyes, those red eyes were watching her. She shuddered in her sweater at the thought, and climbed into the all too noticeable vehicle beside Sideswipe. She buckled herself in, noticing Sideswipe's scoff of insulted feelings. "Like _I_ would get in an accident," he smirked.

Lily looked him with cool, collected eyes. "You are a street racer right?"

Sideswipe, instead of snapping back at her, seemed to have a wall of defenses fall over his eyes. "You don't know me, so don't judge why I do what I do," he said lowly. Lily stared at him in amazement. Had he somehow stepped into her world? But she shook it off as Sideswipe, without another word, without changing his expression, shifted his car into gear, almost visibly relaxing as his engine rumbled loudly. He stayed that way for a moment, and he then turned out of her driveway, and they drove in silence.

***Share My Demons***

Lily kept her gaze locked out the window, watching the world pass swiftly by. But, soon, her curiosity got the better of her. She turned, using the very corners of her eyes to look at the boy at first. His eyes were glued on the road, but were distant. "I…" she hesitated, clearing her throat, and then going again. "I'm sorry for what I said,"

Sideswipe didn't react, but he spoke. "I know," was all he said.

Lily wasn't expecting an apology, so she turned away, trying to get his eyes out of her head. After a few more minutes, she glanced back at Sideswipe, this time, looking at his strong arms out of the corners of her eyes. Sideswipe spoke again. "Lily, would you stop staring at me?" he said, his tone clipped but not unkind.

Lily rolled her eyes. "What? Is only your girlfriend allowed to look?" she shot back sarcastically.

"No. I don't have a girlfriend,"

Lily was actually surprised to find a faint glow of relief from that statement. "Okay, then a boyfriend?" she teased.

Sideswipe turned to her. "Seriously?"

Lily shrugged. "Hey, to each his own," she quoted. "But seriously, a guy that acts like you? Racing your days away, risking your life, having sex with whoever lands in your lap-"

"Not you," Sideswipe snapped.

Lily laughed. "You're not my type anyways. But as I was saying-"

"Whoa, whoa whoa!" Sideswipe interrupted, his eyes wide with shock. "I'm not your _type_? Toots, have you seen this face?" he said, pointing to himself.

Lily peered at him, leaning forwards. "Yeah. Too perfect," she said, falling backwards.

Sideswipe. "Thank you,"

Lily felt her cheeks blaze. "That's not what I meant!"

Sideswipe shrugged. "But, you were saying?"

Lily glared at him a moment. "Nevermind," she rumbled with an inhale, turning to look back out the window.

Sideswipe laughed at her, but didn't say anything more, holding a self satisfied smile on his lips, baring perfect teeth.

***Share My Demons***

Pulling up to a building marked 'Health and Human Services Department' Lily peered at Sideswipe suspisciously. "Lennox works here? But he's a police officer,"

Sideswipe nodded. "Yeah, he works here,"

Lily sighed. "Sideswipe, if he is a police officer, he would be in the police station," she spoke slowly, as if talking to a young child.

Sideswipe rolled his eyes and turned back to face front as they pulled to a gate. "I cannot _wait_ to get away from you," he said through an exasperated exhale.

Lily smirked. "Oh, well, there's something we can agree upon,"

Sideswipe didn't say anything else just pulled up to the gate where Lily's eyes widened. _Guards_ were needed to protect Health and Human Services? Heavily armed guards at that. Lily tensed, waiting to be rudely turned away. But when one of the guards approached the window, Sideswipe rolled it down, his face turning serious. He spoke, his voice had grown more…. Well, _more_. To an authority figure like tone, almost. "Lieutenant Colonel Lennox requested to see this civilian, Decepticon activity suspected."

The guard nodded. "Right on in, Commander Sideswipe," The gates in front of them lifted, and Sideswipe nodded his thanks before driving slowly through.

Lily blinked. What just happened?

Sideswipe turned into the huge opening to the warehouse, and Lily gasped. Military standard men were everywhere, some talking to each other, some walking around with weapons, some up on the upper floors, and some looking over the most advanced computers that the college girl had ever seen. She gasped a little but more, hre mouth agape as she saw the vehicles spread throughout the warehouse, each shining and brand new looking.

Sideswipe parked, and motioned for her to get out. She did so, as if in a dream, never blinking and gazing around. When she exited, several people took one glance at her, and then went back to their work. Sideswipe said her name softly, getting her attention. Lily turned to him, her eyes wide and saying that she didn't believe what she was seeing. Sideswipe didn't give any reaction, his eyes still guarded. He was by her side and he murmured lowly. "Don't stare at the people, even if they stare at you," Lily nodded her eyes instantly locked on her feet as she walked with Sideswipe just a step behind her, protective. Sideswipe gently touched her shoulder, making them walk shoulder to shoulder as he led her farther back into the base.

They approached a single table, where Lennox was crouched over a few maps with a man standing next to him, lean and strong. At the sight of the table and its members, Sideswipe visibly stiffened his back, clearly nervous. Without think, Lily reached out and grasped his elbow, giving it a comforting squeeze. Lily peered at the man next to Lennox, his brown hair dark and unlike Sideswipe's carefully swept hair, this man's was messy and showed obvious signs of stress, having messy areas as if he had run his fingers absently through it often. His face was kind, but protected and a slightest of all after shaves was on his face. He was obviously more powerfully built than Sideswipe, but he moved gingerly, as if he wasn't trying to crush the very table beneath his hands. He was wearing dark blue jeans with a red shirt. The blue jacket on the man's torso was blue with orange-red flames on the end of the sleeve and bottom of the jacket.

Both men looked up as Sideswipe approached, and the new man's eyes instantly grew sad when he saw Sideswipe, but interested when he noticed Lily by the boy's side. Lennox smiled at Lily kindly.

"How are you feeling today, Lily?" Lennox asked kindly, straightening himself from being hunched over the table.

Lily nodded to him, a small smile cracking over his lips. "I'm doing fine, Mr. Lennox,"

The man chuckled. "Mr. Lennox was my father. Please, just call me Lennox or Will. I won't feel so old that way,"

Lily nodded her smile gone.

Lennox then turned to the man next to him. "Lily, may I introduce Optimus Prime, Sideswipe's commanding officer,"

Lily turned to Sideswipe, her eyes narrowing. "Sideswipe didn't mention that he was a soldier," she said, hidden anger under her voice.

Sideswipe rubbed the back of his head, his eyes looking everywhere except at the people in front of him.

Optimus spoke, and Lily shivered at the deepness of his voice, and the sheer _wisdom_ and _royalty_ in that voice. "Sideswipe is one of my very best. He is just uncertain where he fits in this world right now," he was speaking to everyone, but his neon blue eyes were scorching into Sideswipe's face.

Sideswipe shrugged out from under his CO's gaze, turning around to walk away. "I'm going to the shooting range to cool off. I've been getting cramped having to stay like that," he pointed at his car for a moment. He turned over his shoulder, not looking at anyone. "By your leave, Optimus,"

Optimus crossed his arms, and drew himself tall, which was wide, but beautiful in the same movement. "Permission noted, but denied, Sideswipe. There are several matters to discuss, and I would have Lily hearing all of them as you are going to be protecting her now,"

Both Lily and Sideswipe turned to Optimus in sheer horror. "**_What_**?" They both demanded.

Lennox narrowed his eyes a little. "That's not going to be a problem, is it?"

Lily's eyes were wide in shock and distress. "Lennox, honestly. I'll be _fine_, I don't need protection,"

Lennox's eyes were serious, kindness still in them, but also a grave seriousness. "Lily, the person who attacked you last night wasn't an ordinary man. He was a Decepticon's holoform,"

Lily looked at Lennox as if he was crazy. "A what?"

Lennox turned to Optimus. "You can take this over, prime," he said gently. Optimus nodded, before leaning back across the table at Lily. "Lily, I am going to be completely honest as I can. Your wold, your universe is not what you think it is to be. There is alien life beyond the Earth – and you are in their very presence,"

Lily blinked. "Okay, I get it," she said calmly. Optimus waited, surprised how easily he was able to convince her. But she continued. "I get that you're either crazy, or playing a joke on me," she said, her arms crossing. Optimus sighed. "How about we show you?"

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Show me wha – holy Jesus!" she yelped when Optimus began to disappear in a flurry of electrical blue sparks. She turned to Sideswipe, and took a few startled steps back when she saw the same was happening to him. Suddenly, the Corvette that Sideswipe drove began to make weird noises – and began to _transform. _ The parts began to rearrange, and shift, climbing vertically to reveal a humanoid body. His build was small, but lithe and powerful, with two swords hanging on his forearms. His face was strong and strangely formed, but his eyes. Those two twin lights…they seemed familiar. Lily swung her head back to her right, dragging her gaze form the Corvette when a Peterbuilt parked a few yards away too began to shift and stand.

Once finished, the Peterbuilt towered at least thirty feet or more above the girl's head, her green eyes blinking rapidly as the strong, powerful humanoid figure turned its head and then found her once more. It began to walk over to them, his steps heavily but swift. He stopped a few feet from the table, and then crouched down, balancing his weigh on his knuckles as he gazed down at Lily.

The silver Corvette robot rolled over to the table before going to one knee next to Lily. She looked between the two robots. "They're….you're….." she stammered, her reaction almost comical as her gaze flew back and forth between the two huge robots. Lennox chuckled and looked back up at the blue robot. "At least she didn't faint like some of the newbies do," he said to the robot. It chuckled, and Lily stiffened when she recognized that deep, baritone voice.

"Yes," said the voice of Optimus Prime. "She is holding remarkably well,"

The silver robot next to Lily suddenly spoke, his tone a little defensive. "She's been through a lot, Prime. I doubt that many things can faze her now," there was a genuine tone in his voice, and Lily looked back up at the robot. "_Sideswipe_?" she asked disbelievingly. "First you're a robot, and now you're standing up for me? Have you gone a little crazy up there?" she tried to make it a joke, but her initial tiny grudge against what he was cut into her tone, making it come out harsher than intended. She began to rub her eyes. "It's just some crazy dream, I know it is," she muttered, trying to wake herself up.

Lennox smiled. "I almost wish it were, Lily. But, it's not. They're real. They're here. And they have enemies,"

Lily looked up at those words. "Enemies? Don't we all," she added the second sentence almost to herself. Sideswipe however, had heard her, being the only one who was close enough to hear her hushed words. He narrowed his optics, but didn't speak of it.

Lennox nodded, not having heard her sentence. "Yes. Last night, the man that….you know, he was one of their enemies. Just in holoform,"

"Holoform?" Lily asked, trailing the foreign word across her lips.

Lennox nodded. "Human representations," he explained.

"Like what Sideswipe and Optimus were a moment ago?"

Optimus nodded. "Yes, Lily. Can you tell us what happened to you last night?"

Lily's eyes darkened and she bit her lip, looking down. "I…I was walking home," she began, but paused, swallowing heavily before looking around for some sort of distraction.

Sideswipe knew what she was feeling. The memories, those haunts, those demons, pulling at the edge of your mind. You did anything and everything to escape from them, but in the end they found you. Unles you found a way to be them back. Sideswipe felt a slight twinge in his Spark, and he gently reached out with his finger and brushed it against Lily's back. She flinched away from his cold finger, and glanced back up at him. Sideswipe was surprised how he could cut straight through the barriers in her eyes, seeing secrets and pain swimming in her soul. "You don't have to talk about it, Lily," he said, his voice for some reason going extremely soft.

Lily's eyes widened at his voice, but then sank back into a glare. "I don't care. I'm fine, and I don't care," the words sounded montone, as if a useless mantra that she had practices for years. Lily wondered how many times she used those words, when she wanted to scream _No! Nothing is ok!_

Sideswipe stared at the girl, wondering not only how many times she used those words, but how many times he had used them himself.

**Holy schmokes, this took forever! Please, please, PLEASE leave a review! I didn't realize that this would be so…LONG. I would love if you guys have any suggestions, or feedback. I'm trying to have a little romance between Sideswipe and Lily, but I need help trying to…sprout it, if you know what I mean. I need a barrier broken between them before they can start to become romantically attached to one another. Please leave feedback!**


	2. Say It Now

**Wow….. so, this story had SERIOUSLY been on my mind lately, and I can't HELP but write more. I just have the whole thing in my head and….. yah. Okay, so just to warn you all again, this story that was supposed to be a oneshot is REALLY DARK. Like, RAPE, MURDER, and other stuff of that nature DARK. This can get a little graphic, but I'll try to keep that on a leash. Anyways, I hope that another long chapter satisfies for a while. The last took 8 pages in Microsoft word with 5pt font. This one took about six pages of Microsoft word with 5 pt font. It's shorter for a very good reason. Enjoy!**

**galaxypa: Thank you very much. I try so hard to capture Sideswipe, but we haven't seen very much of him as a character. Let me know if I get off character, please, and I hope you enjoy! **

**Movielover123456: Thank you for loving it! Here's your update!**

**DeathByShadows007:NO! Don't die! Here, I updated for you, please don't die! I wrote an extra long chapter just for you! YOU CANNOT DIE!*falls on knees dramatically***

**Autobotgirl223: Haha, yep. At least she didn't faint. ^^**

**Guest: Thank you! As said before, I try my best with the characters.**

**Thank you all very much for your reviews! Keep them coming!**

**I do not own Transformers, only anything unrecognizable.**

Lily just turned away from Sideswipe, uncomfortable with his piercing gaze. She glared at the ground and clenched her fists before looking back up at Optimus, her piercing green eyes murderous. "Look, last night has happened to me about seven or eight times over. I don't need some freaking alien to try and fix one night," she snapped at him, ignoring the shocked exclamations from the humans and holoforms around her. Optimus met her gaze with something that looked like respect.

"I can understand your lack of trust in us. However, the matter remains of your assault at the hands of a Decepticon. For now, you shall be placed under Autobot protection until we are certain that you aren't in danger of any kind. Sideswipe will be your Guardian," Optimus's regal voice left no room for argument for either of the two. Lily looked up at Sideswipe, and his distressed optics stared back down at her. The Prime stood, going to his full height. "Lennox can give you a rundown of the matters of these circumstances. Sideswipe, come with me,"

Sideswipe barely hid the flinch when Optimus summoned him, but he didn't disobey. He shot Lily another glance, uncertain of what emotions he held for her presently, before skating around the table on his wheeled feet and walked off with Optimus. Lennox smiled, and motioned Lily over to the table. She gave an uneasy smile, but came to the man's side. Lennox looked down at the table and Lily followed his gaze, peering with curiousity at the pictures of robots on the table. Even with her creative ability, she couldn't begin to describe the forms of the robots, even in the pictures. Graceful, but robotic. Sleek, yet rigid. Metallic, but almost…..human.

Lennox waved a hand over them. "These are pictures we have of the Autobots, the good guys of the Transformers. They fall under the command of Optimus Prime, the Peterbuilt you just met. They fight for the humans, and can never harm us unless by accident,"

Lily looked at him with a scoff. "Anyone can hurt humans if they want to. Nobody can just not hurt someone,"

Lennox shook his head, almost dazzled. "Not them. They fight to protect life, not destroy it,"

Lily furrowed her brows, still not believing him, but nodded all the same. "Then…who do they fight?" Lennox's eyes darkened, and he motioned to the fuzzier, less professional pictures. These were oddly alike to the Autobot photos, but somehow….darker.

"These pictures were taken by random civilians and put on the Internet, trying to reveal the identity of the Transformers. The robots in the pictures? Decepticons, the ones the Autobots fight," Lennox explained gently. Lily glanced at Lennox and saw the battle hardened gaze of a man trying to fight off memories. Lily suddenly realized that this war wasn't just between the Autobots and the Decepticons. It was between life for Earth, and its destruction. And now she was caught right in the middle of it.

_Thanks, Sideswipe_. She thought angrily.

***Share my Demons***

Sideswipe didn't look at the confused gazes of the Autobots as he passed them, only following Optimus quietly, knowing that he was truly in a lot of trouble. They kept walking, passing each of the Autobots, and Sideswipe fought off that pang of grief when he didn't see Sunstreaker with them. He shook his head, and pushed the thought of his twin to the back of his mind. Sunny was gone. That was that.

Optimus and Sideswipe finally made it to the other side of the warehouse, and even though no one was around them, Sideswipe still felt the burn of the optics of his friends all over him. He kept his optics down, respectful, and waited for Optimus to speak. The Prime just stared at him with guarded optics, his leader's gaze scorching a hole into Sideswipe's face. Sideswipe fidgeted slightly before looking up, and blurting out, unable to speak. "Optimus, please just-"

Optimus raised a hand, closing his optics at the same time, and Sideswipe fell silent. Optimus spoke, putting his hand down slowly. "Sideswipe, I do not wish to hear excuses. I wish to hear the truth. Why do you break both Autobot and Human law so willingly?"

Sideswipe narrowed his optics, but didn't speak. He looked away, and then back to Optimus. "Why do you want me to be Lily's Guardian?" he asked, changing the subject.

Optimus didn't relax, merely narrowed his firm optics, but spoke to Sideswipe's question. "Lily already seems to have a strong affect on you, and you upon her. She is comfortable around you, though she won't admit it, and I do not wish to force her trust with someone new to protect her." He said, as if expecting this question. "You are to remain with her at all times, unless circumstances force you two apart. Should I learn that you are shirking your duty to the human, I will personally carry out a punishment for you, Sideswipe," the tone of his voice offered no argument, and a genuine threat. Sideswipe sighed, and nodded, visibly sagging. A gentle hand was placed upon his shoulder. He looked up to meet Optimus Prime's softening optics.

"Do not read me wrong, Sideswipe. I am trying my hardest to give the Autobots the best life here on Earth, but we must remain patient. Others will come to Earth, I know they will. We have to lay low, until it is right to reveal ourselves. I do not want you to think that I am singling you out,"

Sideswipe nodded, and his face fell once more. Optimus removed his hand and walked back into the warehouse, not once glancing back at his broken soldier.

***Share my Demons***

Lily and Sideswipe didn't speak to each other on the long ride home. The small intro into Sideswipe's world had taken hours for Lily, and by the time she was done, her head was swarming with questions, spoonfed knowledge, and confusion.

Sideswipe remained uncharacteristically quiet, not once harassing Lily, or even looking at her. Although she didn't want to, Lily found she was worried for her protector. Something in him had sagged, and darkened when they had left NEST behind them, and she noticed the change in both his driving, and his holoform's posture. He drove a little more quickly, which made Lily's heart slam in her throat as they turned tight corners, or slammed to a stop on the darkening streets under the streetlights.

Lily finally spoke, her voice hesitant. "Sideswipe, you honestly don't have to-"

"Lily, don't. I'm just following orders. I must protect you, as I am honor bound to listen to Optimus,"

Lily narrowed her eyes. "I wasn't _talking_ about that. I was talking about your driving!" she snapped as they swerved sharply around a corner.

Sideswipe rolled his eyes. "I told you, I won't have an accident. I _am_ the car, after all,"

Lily groaned as they sped down the road before speaking again. "And you seriously don't have to protect-"

"Yes, I do Lily. Optimus Prime gave me an order, and because I am one of his Autobots, I must obey." Sideswipe said, his voice slowly growing impatient.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Ok, hold on. What makes him so special that you listen to him without question, and you ignore even my most obvious of requests?"

Sideswipe turned to her, his eyes bursting with anger. "Never insult Optimus Prime!" he snarled. "He is Prime, and he will not be questioned by some stupid human girl!" he snapped.

Lily flinched at his words, but spoke, her voice wavering. "Well, this stupid human girl knows something Sideswipe. You're hurt and you have demons."

Sideswipe growled suddenly silencing her. "You don't know anything about me. Now just stop talking, please!" he snapped, his voice trembling.

Lily snarled back, before speaking. "No! You may protect me but you do not own me!"

Sideswipe threw his hands into the air. "And thank Primus I don't! Who would want you!" he snapped.

Lily's eyes widened, and she winced away from Sideswipe. Her eyes grew hurt, and she looked away from him, sinking back into the seat, her eyes closing in sadness. Sideswipe saw the whole motion, but didn't let the guilt pierce his Spark. This human girl was just a mission for now, and that's all he cared about, clearing his record with Optimus so he could move on.

Sideswipe slowed considerably as he pulled to her house. She moved to unbuckle. "We will be returning to NEST in the morning, since Lennox wants you there from now on," he muttered. Lily got out of the car, taking care to slam his door. Sideswipe rolled his eyes, and got out after her. She was stepping into the house when he caught up to her, but she turned around, making him hit the brakes and stare at her from the porch. "I don't care if you're here to stay. Just stay away from me," she snapped lowly before slamming the door in his face. Sideswipe rolled his eyes before letting his holoform disappear and settle into his true form.

Lily leaned against the door after she rejected Sideswipe's entry to her home. She buried her face in her hands as Sideswipe's harsh words rang in her ears, echoing painfully around her wounded heart. _Who would want you?!_ Lily pushed off the door and ran to her bathroom, she sobbed over the sink, unable to control her already unstable emotions. She looked in the mirror, tears running down her cheeks, and her shoulders shaking with every sob. Sje began to simmer at herself. The events of the last nine years played back in her head. When she was only ten years old, she had first been violated. Now, she was being forced to be protected by someone she hated, and she had been thrown into the middle of an alien war. She glared at herself, and opened on of the drawers under the sink, revealing a brand new razor.

Lily grabbed the handle, and ran it under hot water, leaving the blade to soak for a moment as she frantically clawed her sleeves up her arms, her mental pain slowly becoming too much to bear. Once her right forearm was naked, she grabbed the razor and slashed it twice across the top of her wrist. Blood flowed freely as the warm, wet blade carved easily into her skin. The pain on her arm slowly began to register as blood trickled down her hand and dripped slowly off her fingers, but it wasn't enough to distract her. Raising the blade again, she slashed at the underside of her arm, the softer, weaker flesh there easily and painfully ripping raggedly under the smooth blade.

Pain slowly began to register, and Lily began to shake. She dropped the bloody razor into the sink and backed up against the closet next to her shower. She clamped her unharmed hand over her intact skin on her arm, feeling the bumps of the scars from cutting years before. The blood, still staining her hand, began to flow downwards slowly, warmly snaking against her skin. She closed her eyes and focused on the pain she had inflicted, glad for a moment to forget the pain clawing in the back of her mind. She stayed that way on the floor it seemed for hours, when in reality only twenty slow minutes had ticked sadly by. Lily got up, her knees shaking and her face in a dreamily pale state from the blood loss. She quickly washed the razor, and hid it again before washing her skin, staring in small fascination at the way the water turned a coppery color when mixed with her blood.

Suddenly, there was a furious rapping on her door, and Lily groaned and quickly pulled down her sleeve. Walking through her house back to the door, she flinched slightly when she met Sideswipe's glowing blue eyes. He stared at her gently. "Lily….what happened?" he asked strangely. Lily instantly clutched at her injured arm as if she could heal her cuts. "I don't know what you mean," she growled.

Sideswipe looked as if he were about to protest, and then he seemed to rethink. "May I come in?" he asked softly yet again.

Lily blinked, surprised by his politeness, but nodded nonetheless, stepping aside. Sideswipe stepped in gingerly, and then looked at her injured arm. "Lily, why is it, whenever we're here and you're out of my sight, you come back smelling like fresh blood?"

Lily's eyes widened, and she backed away a few steps, panic searing through her when he matched her every move. She suddenly backed into a wall, and Sideswipe kept walking, raising his hands to barricade the poor girl against the wall and him. His face hovered a few inches away from hers, and Lily couldn't believe it when her cheeks flamed. Sideswipe spoke gently, his breath sweet and relaxing to Lily. "Lily, show me what's wrong," he insisted gently. Lily flinched at what he was asking her. Sideswipe looked down at her arm, and gently removed his hands from the wall. His hand gently gripped her wrist that was covering her wounds, and then gently threaded his other hand's fingers into her injured hand's. lily didn't understand why her ears and cheeks flamed all the hotter when he held her hand so delicately. With her hand now gone from her sleeve, Sideswipe took his free hand and gently pulled up the fabric, his neon, piercing gaze falling to her wounds.

Lily closed her eyes and waited. Waited for the gasp of shock and disgust when he realized what she had done to herself. Waited for the icy cold voice saying she needed mental help. She just waited.

Sideswipe saw her tense, but said nothing. He knew she was wounded, thought he didn't know how, but she wasn't in any danger or anything. He slid her sleeve back down, and took a moment to enjoy holding her hand.

Lily's eyes sprang open and she looked at Sideswipe in amazement, her eyes softening with something like gratitude and relief. Sideswipe smiled and found her suddenly boxed to the wall in his arms again, still hovering over her. He stared at Lily, feeling something within him beginning to stir. Somehow….his anger had disappeared when he saw how scared she looked when she had opened her door. Something about her fear had comforted him, knowing that he wasn't alone in hiding from his nightmares. But, something also in her gaze made him want to truly protect her. All he had to do was wait until she let him protect her.

Lily just stared into Sideswipe's eyes feeling safe, truly for the first time in her life. Sideswipe hadn't gasped in disgust, or shouted at her. He didn't leave her. Lily smiled and then began to glance awkwardly around them. "Um, Sides?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I go get some sleep?" she asked bluntly.

Sideswipe instantly pushed away from her, embarrassed by his staring. He cleared his throat, and stepped away as Lily turned away from him. She glanced back t him. "Friends?" she asked hesitantly. Sideswipe shrugged. "Not quiet yet," he said gently, and Lily nodded as she realized what he meant. They still hated each other, and Lily quickly felt stupid for asking him. _He's a street racer, and an alien, Lily. He's only here because of his job_. She scowled to herself, and walked away, not seeing the Autobot raise a hand after her as if about to call her back.

***Share my Demons***

As Lily slipped into the bed, she stopped when she heard a dull thump in her living room. She stood, and gingerly walked out, careful of where she was stepping so she didn't creak the floorboards. Sideswipe had plopped himself once more on the couch, his hands behind his head, and his eyes closed. Lily however, couldn't help but notice that Sideswipe had made one change. His clothes. He was wearing only a pair of gray sweatpants, the Autobot symbol blazing in black just under his left hip. Lily got curious and walked forwards, and then she stopped when she was right beside the couch, gazing down at him.

She crouched down, balancing on the balls of her feet, just gazing at his face. When it was relaxed, he seemed so much more….. vulnerable. Lily couldn't help but find comfort in that fact. The fact that she wasn't alone in running from her past. She tentatively reached forwards, and brushed his face slightly with her fingertips. Lily didn't know what his skin felt like. She didn't know because his eyes snapped open, and the next thing she knew, he had pinned her to the ground, her arms avover her head, pinned by those strong hands, his body hovering over hers, and his legs pinning here, his sweatpants warming her bare skin. Her eyes widened in horror, before furious tears came to her eyes.

She snarled up at him, as Sideswipe tried to understand what had just happened. "I knew it!" she screamed at him. "I knew that you were just like all the others out there!"

Sideswipe blinked. "Lily, what are you…?" He then realized how he was laying on top of her, and quickly rolled off, bumping into the coffee table. Lily scrambled to her feet, and backed away from Sideswipe. She glared at him, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Get out!" she snarled at him. "Get out and stay out! I knew I shouldn't have trusted you!" she turned and ran, the sound of a door slamming as she entered her room echoed throughout the house. Sideswipe blinked, confused. He stood, and walked quickly to Lily's door. He knocked on it gently. "Lily?" he called. Something thumped against the door, almost like a violent reply knock.

_"I said go away!"_ Her voice was muffled by the door, but Sideswipe still heard her clearly.

"Lily, what did I do?"

"_What did you do?! What did you do?!" _Her voice inquired, enraged. Sideswipe waited, but there was a slight commotion in her room, and the door opened. Lily stared back at him, her light brown, straight hair failing slightly over her face. "Sideswipe, you were just about to do what seven other men have done to me in my life!" she said, obviously hiding the pain from entering her voice.

Sideswipe furrowed his eyebrows. "What are you talking about!"

Lily glared at him, and snarled loudly. "I'm talking about rape, you idiot!"

Sideswipe sighed. "Lily, I'm not of this world remember? I don't know what rape is,"

Lily's eyes widened in anger. "So now you're mocking me, is that it!"

Sideswipe began to grow frustrated. He wasn't going to hurt her. Optimus would have killed him should he ever harm a human. "Lily, I would never hurt-"

Lily snarled, interrupting him. "How can you not know about rape! Being in street races, I'm sure you did it all the time!"

That struck a nerve. Sideswipe's eyes blazed, and he instantly grabbed Lily's shoulder and pushed her back until they reached the bed. "For the last time, you don't know me, so stop assuming you do!" He snapped, pushing her into a sitting position.

Lily's tears became more promienent. "Or what? You'll violate me too? You'll sick your alien probe on me?" she snapped.

Sideswipe finally understood, he let go and back away a few steps. "Wait…are you talking about interface?" he asked confused still.

Lily finally let something click in her head. Sideswipe truly didn't know what rape was. She was still mad though, her heart hammering like an angry brass band. "Yes, interface. _Forced_ interface, Sideswipe," she grumbled.

Sideswipe shook his head. "_Forced?! _Such an act is unheard of on Cybertron. Why would they allow it here, on Earth? Humans are too fragile as it is,"

Lily glared at him, her anger slowly simmering away. "They can't do anything about it, Sideswipe, It's just how some humans are," she sighed, defeat slowly washing away.

Sideswipe crouched in front of her. "Lily….you were forced to interface seven times?" he asked, horrified anyone would do that. Lily nodded, closing her eyes as if blocking out the memories. Sideswipe placed a hesitant hand on her knee. "Lily, if you don't want to talk about it, I understand. But….when you grow more comfortable with me…can you please tell me about it? I don't want anyone hurting you like that," Sideswipe and Lily were both surprised by how genuine his words were.

She opened her eyes, and they were filled with shock, and need…..but she was scared of that need, Sideswipe could see it. He slowly stood, and exited her room, closing the door softly before walking back to the couch, just ashe sat down, a small voice sounded in his ears. "Sideswipe?"

The Autobot looked up, and Lily was standing in the entry way of her kitchen and living room. She bit her lips, and then spoke gently. "I may hate you….but thanks," she said before turning and almost fleeing back to her room.

Sideswipe smiled and settled down onto the couch to recharge. "Hate you too," he smirked, closing his eyes. He was soon in recharge's embrace… and was surprised to see Lily in his dreams.

***Share my Demons***

Lily blinked once when the sun sharply curved through her room's blinds, and she groaned, pulling the blanket up to her face. _Five more minutes….._ she whined inwardly. There was a sudden crash down the hall, and Lily shot up in her bed, her eyes wide, and her heart pounding. She scrambled out of the bed, untangling her foot from the blanket before she killed herself from an embarrassing trip and ran down the hall to the bathroom. She looked inside – and let out a scream.

Of _laughter_.

Sideswipe obviously had no experience with human homes because, he was in the tub, the shower curtain on top of him, the shower curtain's rod ripped from the wall and flailing as he did. He finally ripped the curtain over his face, quite literally. Lily just laughed harder as he peaked at her with glaring eyes through the hole in the fabric and plastic of the curtain. His muffled voice came through. "Don't just stand there laughing like a scraplet after a meal, _help me_!" he snapped.

Lily giggled, and walked through, grabbing the curtain before pulling it off of him with a yank. The rod was on the far corner, and Lily leaned to get it, just as Sideswipe accidentally pulled the curtain towards him so he could ball it up and throw it. What he didn't see was Lily's foot under the corner of the curtain. She squealed, and fell into the tub, on top of him.

He let out an "oof!" when she landed on him, her full body weight slamming down on him. Lily groaned as well, her and Sideswipe's eyes closed in pain. When they fluttered open, Lily's eyes instantly widened, and Sideswipe juts blinked as if he was used to having girls fall all over him….their bodies pressed to his warm one…their lips just a breath away….. Lily instantly shook her head, and Sideswipe began to stammer uncomfortably.

"I….I-I-I…"

"Oh, um, I uh, am so sorry! Are you hurt?"

"No,no,no, I'm f-fine,"

"You sure?" Lily began to push off of him, looking behind her so she didn't tangle in anything.

Sideswipe began to scramble, trying to get his body out from under hers. "Yep, yep. Definitely sure,"

This exchange was clipped, comical, and hilarious should there have been any outsiders watching. Once Lily was standing, she was blushing and walking rigidly, embarrassed back to her room to change. Sideswipe let out a startled breath, rubbing the back of his head, and stepped out of the bathroom, not wanting to further ruin the territory he wasn't accustomed to. He settled himself on a chair at her tiny dining table, and waited, looking around her kitchen in an attempt to entertain himself. He noticed that her pantry shelves were almost bare, and Sideswipe instantly knew what that meant.

As if she had heard hi, she called out to him. "Sideswipe, since I don't have a car, could you drive me into the city so I can get some groceries?"

No. No, no, no. He had been dragged to shopping with another Earth femme once, and he had _hated_ it. He would not be carrying the bags, or hearing those questions of 'What do you think?' Honestly, femmes from his world weren't half as picky as the females of this planet.

"Hello? Are you still even in the house?"

"I heard ya, Lily. I guess if I have to…."

"Well, don't get too excite or anything,"

Lily emerged slowly, this time wearing light denim shorts, revealing her long, lean legs, a white tank top and a green jacket that hugged the slopes of her arms, and came to only about halfway down her torso. Her hair was brushed, and seemed to fade at the very ends of the locks. Sideswipe paused for a moment, unable to believe that he was staring again. He shook his head, and stood, ready to lead Lily to his true form when she just walked past him and reached for the handle herself. Sideswipe instantly knew something was bothering her, but didn't let it faze him. His job was to protect her, not to care for her. He almost sternly had to remind himself.

He walked out after her, careful to close the door. Lily locked it behind him and he led the way to his true form, climbing inside the driver's side as Lily slipped into the passenger's side. She buckled herself, in and leaned heavily against the seat, her eyes confused. Sideswipe ignored it, trying to control the curiosity his Spark had at her feelings. He snapped at it inwardly, reminding himself that he was just doing a job to get clean with Optimus again. He started the engine, and drove smoothly down her driveway and out onto the road again.

Lily absently turned to the center of the car, and reached forward, turning on his radio. Sideswipe didn't stop her, letting the song Hurt by Thousand Foot Crutch grow in his speakers. He thought Lily would immediately change the station, but she smiled and leaned back. "I love this song," she said, almost a whisper. Sideswipe blinked in surprise before turning to her.

"Seriously? I thought the femmes of this world liked those weird….light hearted love songs," he said. Lily snorted, clearly offended. "No! What, I can't like Thousand Foot Crutch?" she snapped irritably. Sideswipe laughed sarcastically.

"And there we go again," he said, mockingly happy.

"What's that supposed to-"

"Lily, just as I think you start to trust me, or maybe even just tolerate me, I feel like I slam into a problem with you," he said, surprising himself at how much he actually meant that statement.

Lily however, didn't see his surprise. "Look, you're just doing you job right? Why do you care about what I feel?"

Sideswipe sighed, frustrated. "You're right. Why do I care? I am only trying to look out for you, as Optimus told me. I am only trying to be _nice_,"

Lily looked at him, incredulously. "Nice?"

Sideswipe nodded. "Nice,"

Lily drawled out the word. "Nice?"

Sideswipe sighed, and said again, exasperated. "Yes, Lily. Nice,"

She smiled, enjoying how much she frustrated him. She waited a few moments. "Nice-"

"Oh, for the sweet love of Primus!" Sideswipe exclaimed, annoyed.

Lily laughed loudly. As she calmed down, she spoke. "Look, I don't know much about this Guardian stuff, but I do know one thing. I wear the pants in this little relationship we have going on here,"

Sideswipe commented sarcastically. "Oh, so this _is_ a relationship by some miracle?"

Lily smiled but ignored him and continued. "Sideswipe, I know you're just doing a job, and you don't really care about me. Just let it go, and don't worry, I won't let your job report be marred by my complaints, okay?"

Sideswipe then narrowed his eyes. "Are you threatening me?"

Lily chuckled. "Maybe,"

Sideswipe smiled, and looked back at the road as the song changed from Hurt, to Glad You Came.

***Share my Demons***

They slowly emerged into town, and Sideswipe saw almost something like a wall going up around Lily. She tensed and kept her eyes down at almost every alleyway they passed. Sideswipe saw her actually sink into the seat when some of the racer's he had seen the other night came into view. Sideswipe didn't think much of it, just that she didn't like being noticed by people. She then pointed at a small groceries store. "That's where I usually go," she practically whispered. Sideswipe glanced at her confused, and pulled up to the curb and dropped her off.

Lily unbuckled herself. "You can stay here, I'll only be a minute." She mumbled, getting out. Sideswipe watched her enter the grocery store, unsure if he should listen to her, or go after her. He finally just stayed in his holoform in his true form. He smiled at the hot babes passed, waved at the staring little boys, and tried to find a way to occupy himself without attracting too much attention. He began to look at the cars, his eyes passing over minivans, SUVs, a Mini Cooper, a cop car with the officer staring at him with red eyes, a red Lamborghini convertible….wait.

Sideswipe's gaze snapped back to the cop car. The man's eyes were definitely glowing red….and Sideswipe instantly set his glare upon the man. That was Barricade! Barricade smiled, and disappeared, and began to speed away. Sideswipe muttered, "Scrap!" he sped after the Decepticon, certain that he was the one who had forced an interface with Lily the other night.

Barricade began to weave against the human traffic, Sideswipe went after him, careful not to hit the already frazzled humans. Barricade, once they were clear of the driving humans, turned sharply, his tired screeching, and Sideswipe turned after him, his engine roaring angrily. Barricade raced halfway to the other side of the city when he turned and ran into some constructions barricades, and into an empty parking garage.

Sideswipe raced after the Decepticon, and they found an empty parking garage. Barricade tried to speed to the higher levels, but Sideswipe snarled. He transformed, and grabbed Barricade's tail and yanked the screeched car into the air. The Decepticon transformed, and smacked a punch across Sideswipe's face. Sideswipe let go of him, and stumbled back, shocked to see the small Decepticon was badly damaged. Barricade chuckled.

"Well, hello, hot rod,"

"You better stay away from her if you know what's good for you!"

"Aw, what's the matter, Sideswipe? Did you want a turn with her?"

Sideswipe snarled, and unsheathed one of his swords. "You piece of scarp metal!"

Barricade chuckled again. "Although, I must admit. My associates were right." Sideswipe froze. _Associates_? Barricade continued. "When I told them she was being protected like a little princess, they asked me to remove her guard." Sideswipe's Energon turned to ice. He snarled, and stabbed forwards with his sword, but he was too late. Barricade let out a laugh, and raced to the upper levels. Sideswipe shook his head, puzzled. _Away from her…_ Sideswipe's optics widened, and ran quickly ran to the entrance of the garage, transforming mid stride. "Lily!"

***Share My Demons***

Lily smiled at the cashier as she left the store, her tiny bag of groceries most about some bread, some Nutella, and a few bags of potato chips. As she exited the store, she froze when she saw that Sideswipe's vehicle form wasn't there. She instantly felt fearful, and angry. _Lily, he's a delinquent who doesn't care about you. Of course he wouldn't wait_. Lily sighed, settled the plastic bag higher up the crook of her arm, and settled her meager money inside, under the chips. She turned and began to walk in the direction of the train station in the city. She looked down, not wanting anyone to notice her, and crossed her arms snuggly across her chest. As she was about to reach a crosswalk, she looked up, and her eyes widened in horror as she froze.

Across the street, pointing briefly at her, were three members of the Front Runner's gang. She instantly turned around the corner, and began to walk furiously down it, hoping that she could get some distance from them. Looking down her sidewalk, she paused yet again, her terror beginning to make her mind swim. The Fifth Wheel, the leader of the Front Runners was walking towards her, smiling seductively. Lily glanced around. To her left was the open street, risking getting run over. To her right, an alley way that cut straight across the block. She turned, dropped her grocery bag, and ran into the alley. She heard shouting, and knew that they were after her.

She glanced back over her shoulder, and saw the gang members running after her, much faster than she could run away. She tried to run all the faster, but there was a dip in the pavement she misjudged, and she tripped anf ell to the ground, stumbling. As soon as she hit the ground, she scrambled, trying to stand again. But, the moment she was standing and took another running step, arms grabbed her arms, and pulled her back. "No-" her scream of protest was cut off as a hand clamped over her mouth.

They began to drag her into a smaller, alley, which had no exit from except it entrance. They threw her against the wall of it, and Lily backed herself into it as the Front Runners sneered at her. The Fifth Wheel emerged from them, his huge, hulking form blocking the light from the sun beyond the alley. He smiled down at her. "Hello, Flower,"

She flinched at the name, and didn't answer, her fear making her mute. One of his men stepped forwards. "Hey, Mammoth?"

He turned to him. "Yes, Sanchez?"

Sanchez looked right at Lily. "Wasn't that little dipshit, Sideswipe, protecting your Flower?"

Mammoth smiled, and turned to Lily. "He was. See, little Flower. Ass-wipe made a bet. His car, or my girl. He got caught, and the race as never finished. He didn't turn over that car, so I guess, I'll get to him through you,"

Lily's eyes widened. _No. not again! It's too much!_

A scream tore from her lips just as the gang members closed in. It was a name, and it tore through the air for the heavens.

_"Sideswipe!"_

**Okay, okay, wait for it. **

**Yes, I'm a horrible person. I am leaving you guys hanging! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! But, Lily's fate can be determined,a nd discovered my lovely readers, much faster if you press that little button that says 'Review' down there. ^^**

**Now, I'm going to….hide behind Optimus now. **

**Optimus: Why must you involve me in this?\**

**Me: Shut up, or they'll find me.**

**Optimus: But…you cruelly left them on a cliffhangar.**

**Me: That's why I'm hiding!**

**Til next time!**


	3. Demons

**I do not own Transformers.**

**First, let me just get the warning out of the way. This is a VERY DARKLY themed story. As in RAPE, MURDER, SELF HARM, SWEARING, GANG VIOLENCE etc. If you are not comfortable with said topics, know I put them out there to raise awareness on them. Please, if you don't like this story just hit that little back button on your screen. One quick thing. Guys, I don't know if there will be quick updates. Mostly because, A) These chapters are LONG. Like, 8 pages in Microsoft word with 5pt font long. B) I only have so long of my summer, left, so I don't know how many updates I'll be giving to you after a while. But, I'll explain that later! Onwards!**

**Now, for the review replies!**

**blufizz: Hello! Here's your more!**

**galaxypa: Why thank you! I actually rushed through that chapter, but thanks so much!**

**TigerLilly1995: Thank you for loving my story! Here's an update!**

**Movielover123456: Here's your update! **

**DeathByShadows007: Yay! Hopefully this won't make you die either…..can't have that. Lol, it's so funny to watch two very stubborn people clash, isn't it? Well, I am truly sorry I left it the way I did, but here ya go! Hope this makes up for it!**

**Guest: I'm glad you like this story, but understand updates are gonna be hard. These chapters take a long time write….anyways, sorry about the cliffhangar. Hop this helps!**

**Autobotgirl2234: Yep. Poor Sideswipe. **

**Speedmetal: Haha, yeah the bathroom scene was pretty fun to write. Why, thank YOU for reviewing, and here's your update!**

**CeciliawillsayHYPER: Thanks, I try. :) here's you next chappie!**

**Guest422510: I'm glad you like this story so much, but again, these chapters take time. I mean, I try to make them nice and long to last. But even that takes time. And thank you, I've been trying so hard with Lily – I really don't want to turn her into a Mary Sue. Here's your update!**

_"See, little Flower. Ass-wipe made a bet. His car, or my girl. He got caught, and the race as never finished. He didn't turn over that car, so I guess, I'll get to him through you,"_

_Lily's eyes widened. No. not again! It's too much!_

_A scream tore from her lips just as the gang members closed in. It was a name, and it tore through the air for the heavens._

_"Sideswipe!"_

The Front Runners chuckled at her as they closed in, their greedy eyes locked on Lily. She backed away from them, her eyes wide with fear. She froze when her body hit the wall that made the alleyway a dead end, and just sank to the floor, trying to make herself as small as possible.

"Sideswipe! Help!" she screamed desperately again. Mammoth chuckled and licked his lips as he moved towards Lily. She curled into a ball, and pulled her knees to her, her fearful eyes wide. Mammoth took another step to her, and Lily squeezed her eyes closed. God dammit Sideswipe! You promised Optimus!

Then, came the first shout of pain and terror. But it wasn't from Lily. She eyes flew open, amazed to see the Front Runners turn around in confusion. Lily peered between their legs, and gasped at what she saw. Sideswipe, holding a guy in the air, by the throat. He growled, and grinned devilishly when he saw Mammoth.

"Mammoth. Thought I smelled failure," Sideswipe snorted before tossing the guy against the opposite wall. He slammed into it, and fall to the ground – leaving a crumbling imprint on the bricks where Sideswipe had thrown him. The Front Runners' eyes widened and they backed away slowly from Sideswipe as he approached, his piercing blue eyes menacing. He pushed his way through them. And they didn't even try to stop him until he paused for a moment at Mammoth, glaring at him briefly before he walked to Lily's side. She gazed at him with wide, amazed green eyes. He crouched in front of her, his eyes softening for her and her alone. He gently took off his black jacket, and gave it to her. "You ok, Lily?" he asked softly, his eyes worried.

Mammoth spoke, his voice growling. "Lookie here! Ass-wipe is sweet on my Flower!" he taunted. Sideswipe's eyes instantly grew angry, and he turned around, standing in front of Lily.

"I would say I'm surprised a ravishing fellow like you would stoop so low to raping a helpless girl," Sideswipe said casually. "But, given your…handsome looks, it's surprising that not even your mother would want you,"

Mammoth stiffened. "What did you say, little shrimp?!" he snarled.

Sideswipe growled. "You have this warning only once. Leave her alone forever, unless you want to deal with me," he growled. "And that's not a threat. That's a fact,"

Mammoth's eyes actually flickered in fear before flittering down to Lily. She tried to glare back, but only made her green eyes look like they were squinting at him. Mammoth snorted and turned away. "Whatever, man. The little bitch ain't worth it anyways. Who would want her?" Lily flinched at those words, their wounding effect still piercing as they had always been.

Sideswipe stiffened, as if he recognized those words, but kept his powerful stance in front of Lily nevertheless. "Get out of here! Before I rip that miserable excuse of a head off your shoulders!" the Autobot snarled. Lily blinked at him, shock pulsing once through her. She had said worse things to him, and he had never looked so murderous. His eyes were blazing, and his fists were clenched so tight, the knuckles were white.

Mammoth chuckled, but turned and waved the Front Runners back. They sneered and threw insults at Lily and Sideswipe as they retreated, but Sideswipe snarled – literally snarled like a cornered wolf – and the Front Runners backed off much more quickly. Once they were all gone, only then did Sideswipe's shoulders relax, and he turned to Lily, crouching before her once again, his eyes worried beyond belief for the girl. He was certain that something terrible had happened when he heard her cry for him, and he was certain that he had never felt such a deep fear for someone other than Sunny than he did right now for Lily.

"What in the world were you thinking? Letting those males who could kill you even corner you like this?!" He demanded, grabbing her shoulders.

Lily looked at him, and not seeing that his anger was brone from concern for her safety, her old fiery attitude jumped back into place. "It's not like I let them Sideswipe!" she snapped. "And if anything, it's your fault! Where in the world did you go?!"

Sideswipe growled when she blamed him, no matter how true her words might be. Male bravado wouldn't let him admit he was wrong. "I was chasing after the guy who assaulted you the other night, Lily!" he growled right back.

Lily glared at him, seething. "Oh, glad to know that your job is important to you! You don't know what it's like to be…violated by those monsters!" she screamed at him.

Sideswipe snarled. "I wouldn't know, because I've never been raped, or raped anyone!" he snarled back, trying to keep his voice down. He was slowly getting sick of this. Her pushing all her anger at him, as if building a wall of hate and blame between them. He couldn't help it, since he knew that he was helping her construct it.

Lily growled, her eyes filling with angry tears. "You don't understand, do you?! I don't care about that anymore! That Mammoth has hunted me ever since he first started this nightmare!" her eyes widened, and she backed away, slapping a hand over her mouth. Sideswipe's eyes widened in rage.

"He's the one who did this to you?" he breathed. Lily knew it was out in the open. She nodded slowly, wrapping her arms around herself, her eyes dropping. Sideswipe hesitated before stepping towards her. Lily stepped away.

"Sideswipe, don't, okay? It happened a long time ago, and I don't want to remember it, okay?"

Sideswipe sighed, but gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Come on. I'll take you to NEST, and talk to Lennox about your supplies, okay?"

Lily nodded, and just let him lad her back to his true form, not another word passing between them. Sideswipe gently settled her in the backseat, away from him, and once he was inside his holoform was inside, he let it disappear, rolling up the tinted windows and drove her silently back to base.

Lily didn't say anything. She just lay in the back, not bothering if it wasn't safe. She closed her eyes. Mammoth had come so close…..

…..But Sideswipe stopped him.

Lily opened her eyes the tiniest bit. Sideswipe did stop them in the end. And…he was just trying to help. Lily opened her eyes fully. He had seen her scars and not pushed her away or left her.

Maybe…..no.

Heroes don't forcefully reminded herself. If they did, this nightmare would never have started.

Sideswipe gazed at her out of his rearview mirror, worry for her etching through his systems without restraint. When he had learn that it was Mammoth who had done this to her, he felt something odd stir in his Spark. It was something he had only felt once, and that was when….irrelevant. What mattered, was that he had only felt the very un-Autobot-like desire for revenge once before.

And this time, he would get that revenge he craved.

***Share My Demons***

Once they reached NEST headquarters in DC, Sideswipe didn't stop in the entrance to the hangar as he did before. Lily sat up, but kept clutching at Sideswipe's jacket around her. He kept on driving, and Lily saw him approaching Lennox and an African American. Both looked up from their papers, and Lennox stood. "Sideswipe! Where's Lily?"

Sideswipe answered, and Lily tried to not flinch as his voice came from the radio, surrounding her and giving her the strange sense of strong safe arms wrapped around her. "She's in the backseat. She was cornered today, by a gang downtown."

Lennox's eyes narrowed. "How did that happen?"

Sideswipe hesitated, and then spoke, like a teenager admitting they had done something wrong. "I left her,"

Lennox growled, and Lily narrowed her eyes and sat up, and began to move to the door. The Lieutenant Colonel spoke before Lily could exit. "Sideswipe, God dammit, your job is to protect her!"

Sideswipe felt his hackles begin to rise defensively. "But, if you'd just let me-"

"No, Sideswipe! You were given strict orders!" Lennox growled, cutting off the Stingray. Lily opened the door, and snapped at the man yelling at her Guardian.

"Lennox! Stop yelling at Sideswipe!" she snapped, getting out and clutching Sideswipe's jacket around her shoulders. The man blinked when he saw the annoyance in Lily's eyes. "Sideswipe _saved_ me! He stopped the Front Runners and the Fifth Wheel from attacking me again!" She snarled. Lennox sighed. "Lily, that doesn't change facts. Sideswipe as given orders to stay at your side and protect you,"

Lily growled. "Well, if you'd _listen_ to him, he'd explain! He did leave my side, but only to chase after the man who assaulted me!"

Instead of making Lennox understand, the man's narrowed eyes turned to furious slits, and the African American next to him rose to his feet, staring hard at Sideswipe. "Sides, you went after Barricade without reporting him in?!" Lennox demanded. "This is out of line, Sideswipe!"

Lily growled, but Sideswipe spoke before she could. "Lily, no. It's okay, he's right. I should have reported in," the silver car murmured. The African American held out a warning hand to Lennox before speaking in a more gentle tone. "Sideswipe, did the attackers hurt Lily in anyway?" Sideswipe growled. "No! I wouldn't ever let them as long as I function!" he growled, surprised by the conviction in his voice. The man smiled and turned to Lennox. "The only fault I can see here is that Sideswipe didn't report in a Decepticon who was stopped from attacking any more humans," the man said.

Lennox sighed, and ran one hand through his hair. He then turned his hard, unreadable gaze to Lily and Sideswipe. "Sideswipe, I will expect you to brief Optimus yourself – _now_." He added when Lily opened her mouth to protest. Lily sighed, and looked at the car. She wanted to say thank you, but she felt that it was too forced in that moment. Besides, where did her thank you begin? She shook her head, trying to free herself from the strange light headedness when she thought of the way her had defended her. The car made no attempts to produce a holoform, or stay with her as he drove forwards without hesitation, and instantly disappeared in the massive hangar.

Lennox grumbled to himself, the words lost in his lowered voice, but he forced a sigh. "Lily, this is Epps. He's my best friend, and one of the craziest sons of a bitch I have ever had the pleasure of meeting," Lily smiled, instantly liking the sound of this man.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Epps. The name's Lily," she said casually, extending one hand in greeting. Epps smiled and took it firmly, shaking it slightly. "Nice to meet you. Bought time I met the girl who put Sideswipe on the leash,"

Lily blinked, and blushed. "Wait, what?" she stammered.

Epps chuckled. "Sideswipe is about as wild as they come. Only been getting worse in the past few months."

Lily tipped her head curiously. "Wild? He doesn't seem that way to me,"

Epps rolled his eyes. "The day we began to notice it? A few days after the battle in Egypt, we ran into some of our enemies. Only one of the patrol of seven was left alive – captured by Sideswipe himself. But, when asked for information, the Decepticon said something about an Autobot named Sunstreaker, and Sideswipe lost it. He didn't just kill that Decepticon, he _ripped him to pieces_. He began to grow restless, honing his skills to the point of self injury due to over training, sneaking out of base just to see if he could find another Decepticon to relieve his stress upon." He listed. Lennox was nodding, a sad agreement in his eyes. "Then….. Optimus spoke to him. We don't really know what was said, but we do know that when they came back, Sideswipe was knocked unconscious, and Optimus was wounded slightly."

Lily's breath took a sharp intake. Epps glanced up, and he elbowed Lennox. He looked at her, and then smiled. "Look at us. Trashing the air with sad rememberances. Lily, Epps will show you around NEST, and I will get back to work before I get fired," Lennox chuckled and walked away. Epps shook his head, chuckling himself. He then turned to Lily, a thoughtful look on his face. "Do you like music?"

Lily brightened. "Yes! I do!" she said eagerly. When she was little, Lily loved to sing, so her mother signed her up for singing lessons. All through elementary, middle and high school, Lily sang with a private instructor. Now, she had long since dropped the passion, and the closest she got to singing was accompanying the radio. Epps smiled, and motioned her to follow him. Lily did so, but she glanced once more down the way that Sideswipe had vanished. _He has demons too…..and I'm going to help him through them._ She vowed to herself.

He had saved her.

It was the least she could do.

***Share My Demons***

Sideswipe didn't look back as he drove away from Lily. He was too wrapped up in his thoughts, those dark thoughts swarming his neural cluster. He had come this close to ripping Mammoth's head off back there when he had said those words to Lily. _Who would want _her? No _wonder_ Lily had looked like she had been shot when he said those to her! Sideswipe growled. He knew he would not be around to protect her for much longer; as soon as NEST figured out why Barricade had attacked a human, he could leave her. And as much as he could not _wait_ for that day to come, some small, growing part of him was also dreading it.

He just couldn't put a finger on it. Suddenly, a foot stepped in front of him, and Sideswipe screeched harshly onto his tires. It was Optimus's foot. Sideswipe groaned to himself before delicately transforming. He slowly rose his topics to Optimus's, whose royal blue ones were staring down at Sideswipe, a faint annoyance within them.

Before Sideswipe could speak, Optimus beat him to it. "Sideswipe, why do Autobots protect humans?"

Sideswipe sighed. _Not this lecture again…_"Because all sentient beings have the right to freedom," he mumbled.

Optimus nodded once, curtly and quickly. "Now, why have I assigned you to protect Lily?"

"Because she was attacked by a Decepticon?" he asked. He never really understood why Optimus had chosen him for the task.

The Prime sighed, bringing one hand to pinch the bridg of his nose, a gesture of exhaustion. "Sideswipe….I heard about Barricade already," he ignored Sideswipe's stiffening spine. "And I would like to remind you of something-" But he stopped when Sideswipe raised a hand, beginning to tremble.

"Sir, with all due respect…. I would like to not think that event any longer." He said, his voice trembling in a growing rage and grief.

Optimus narrowed his optics. "That's just the trouble, Sideswipe," he said, his voice surprisingly gentle. "You think of it constantly, and constantly try to run away from the facts that are trying to present themselves to you. How can you move on from them when you cannot accept them?"

"Because if I don't think of them, then they never came into existence!" he growled, his voice growing desperate. Optimus shook his head. "Sideswipe, they _did_ happen. And you mustn't blame yourself-" Sideswipe growled, cutting his leader off. "I _can_ – no, _should_ blame myself!" he growled, tears coming to his optics. He furious blinked, and pushed them back, not wanting to look weak in front of the other Autobots who were beginning to watch. Optimus sighed, but changed the subject, knowing Sideswipe was too stubborn to listen to him further. "Where is Lily?" he asked gently.

Sideswipe sighed in visible relief. "With Lennox and Epps. They told me to come straight to you about this." He explained. Some part of him was anxious to get back to her side. Optimus nodded, and stepped back to transform. Sideswipe followed suit, and they drove back down the hangar, tense silent between Prime and Autobot.

***Share My Demons***

Lily smiled when she entered the new area. It was a different hangar, one whole wall open to the outside, revealing a small little spread of emerald grass and a bright blue sky. Sitting there were a few Autobots. A yellow one with doors protruding from his shoulders like wings, and looked to be not as physically built as the others. Another one, the black colored one, was huge and hulking, with giant cylinder cannons mounted on his forearms. He looked tough, even in his robot form. The last two were small little things, and identical other than their color. One was red, and the other a cool shade of green. They were bickering as the black one looked like he was ready to punch their heads in. The small group of humans around the feet on the robots were just chuckling, and occasionally laughing at the two smallest robots.

Epps called out as they entered the separate hangar. "Hey, Ironhide!" The four robots stopped, and looked at their human comrade. The black on sighed, and spoke. "Thank Primus you're here. These two little sparklings won't shut up!" the green robot spoke up.

"Aw, come on, Hide. We just havin' some fun is all, man!" he said. Lily almost burst out laughing at their ridiculous voices, and she actually had to clear her throat from the laughter. Epps chuckled, and they walked to join the circle of the NEST soldiers. Epps pointed at the robots first. "Lily, meet Bumblebee, Ironhide, Skids and Mudflap," he said, pointing to each. The humans patiently waited, knowing that alien robots were far more interesting than they were at the moment.

Ironhide spoke after Epps had. "Also known as Bee, Hide, Annoying, and Stupid," he growled. The twins began to whine at him in their ridiculous voices, and Lily giggled before turning to the humans. "And them?"

Epps smiled. "These are some of the members from Lennox's squadron. Usually, his squad is closest to the Autobots, so that's why these are the only men here right now. Meet Graham, Blake, Donnely, and Codey," he said, pointing to each. Lily smiled and ducked her head shyly. "Boys, this is Lily, the one who finally put Sides on a leash," all present laughed. Codey, a blonde boy with green eyes laughed, and pointed his finger at Lily. "Good luck with him, Lily. You're gonna need it!"

Lily smiled. "Please. By this time tomorrow, he'll realize who's boss," she joked right along, slowly relaxing around these men. They rekindled their laughter, before it died. Blake, an older man with some black stubble on his cheeks, spoke to Epps. "We were just about to challenge Bee to a music off," he said. With so little to really _do_ in the NEST base, the soldiers often found release in sports or music if they were feeling lazy.

Lily smiled. "Music off?" she asked. Donnely, an African American like Epps, nodded and spoke. "Yep. We try to think of a song by making some music from it, or singing some bars from it, and see if Bee can find it before we reach the chorus." He explained.

Lily giggled. "Cool," she said, settled down on the ground near them. Epps joined her, and Graham gave her a confused look. "Aren't you going to join us?" he asked. Lily instantly felt a blush creep over her cheeks and ears, and she instantly looked down and shook her head, becoming shy once more. Epps shook his head slightly at the men, as if to say _Don't push her._

Blake shrugged, and thought for a moment before clapping a slow rhythm, and Graham, holding his guitar, began to play. Surprised by herself, Lily recognized the song, and instantly began to hum as if singing in substitute. Codey glanced at her in surprise, and smiled up at Bumblebee as the robot searched for a match to their song. He then let out a triumphant noise, surprising Lily when he didn't speak, and began to play Name by The Goo Goo Dolls over his radios.

Lily smiled at the familiar song. Graham frowned though, and he and Blake stopped. Codey looked furiously in thought, and perked up, and began to hum a meoldy. Lily glanced at him, before Blake and Donnely smiled, and began to beat out harmonizing rhythms.

Lily looked at them a moment, before smiling, and humming the main vocals again, a little more confidently this time. The song was Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney, and Lily was surprised that they were even trying this song; didn't mostly girls listen to this when it first came out? But it didn't matter since Bumblebee found it all too easily, and began to play it over the radio. Ironhide chuckled, and then gently nudged Lily's back with his finger. "Why don't you sing?" he asked curiously.

Lily instantly deflated a little. "Well, I can-"

Blake smiled. "Come on, please? Graham can play almost any song," he begged. Graham shot his friend a murderous glare. "Almost?" he snapped. Blake ignored him. "Come on, Lily please?" Lily glanced uneasily around. She didn't want to not sing, but…..she barely knew these people. When she sang, Lily put herself into the song. But, with the begging looks everyone was giving her, she sighed, giving up. "Alright," she sighed.

Graham smiled, and looked her, his eyes scrutinizing her before he smiled, and tuned his guitar. "I know just the one too," he said. Lily felt a rock of nervousness settle into her stomach, and she sighed, and pulled Sideswipe's jacket away from her face so she could sing clearly. Graham began to play the part on the guitar, almost effortlessly, and Lily smiled as she recognized the tune.

She waited, listening for her cue into the song. Finally, she opened her mouth, and hesitantly sang softly.

_"When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry, and curse at the wind._

_He broke his own heart as I watched, as he tried to reassemble it._

_And my mama swore that she would never let herself forget."_

Lily saw the men beginning to smile at her as they listened to her gentle voice. She began to grow more confident, and song more proudly, putting herself into the song.

_"And that was the day that I promised, I'd never sing of love, if it does not exist._

_But darling you are, the only exception._

_You are the only exception. _

_You are the only exception. _

_You are the only exception."_

None of the men had noticed it when two holoform's entered the room. Sideswipe and Optimus blinked when they heard the soft, human voice floating around the hangar, and Sideswipe's piercing blue gaze found the source of the singing.

Lily.

She looked more…..at peace when she sang, and Sideswipe suddenly noticed something. The regal narrowness of her chin, the small, sloping shape of her nice, the smoothness of her cheeks, and the lushness of her pale pink lips all suddenly began to show their humanly beauty to Sideswipe. Something about the way she looked when she sang…..just suddenly made Sideswipe see a beauty lying on the surface, and that the beauty upon her wasn't just skin deep. He felt a pleasant feeling rumble through him from his Spark, warming him and unrolling his tense muscles.

Optimus turned to his soldier, and his eyes widened in shock when he saw the softness in Sideswipe's gaze. He then smiled knowingly, and began to walk towards the small gathering as they listened to Lily. Sideswipe followed unable to take his eyes from her face.

Lily continued to sing, getting to the bridge of the song when Sideswipe and Optimus finally joined them. By this time, she had closed her eyes.

_"I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't let go of what's in front of me here!_

_I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up_

_Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream!" _Lily then vocalized the next part of the song gently, and Graham paused the guitar, staring at her amazed in the strength and beauty in her voice. The others smiled at her, not seeing the transformation that Sideswipe had. She then quieted her voice, and stopped the song, opening her eyes slowly as she came out of the song, as she put it. Noticing everyone staring at her, a blush covered her cheeks, and she looked down.

"Lily…..that was amazing," It was Sideswipe who had broken the silence. Her back tensed, and she looked up, turning her head to stare at him in shock.

He was staring at her softly, and something in his gaze made Lily blush all the deeper. Sideswipe's eyes instantly widened, and he himself looked a little embarrassed. Mudflap snickered, breaking whatever magic had been drawn into the moment, and Bumblebee smacked the little Autobot.

Optimus cleared his throat, and Lily turned her gaze gratefully to the Autobot leader. He spoke gently. "You are free to go back home, Lily. Tomorrow, however, myself, Lennox, and Epps will be coming to your home to see if there is anything we can discover that you might have that the Decepticons would want," his voice though gentle, showed he truly wanted to see a reason behind her attack. Lily nodded once, before standing. She walked away, hearing the others call out goodbyes, but Lily didn't look back, feeling only one pair of eyes boring themselves into her as he hung back for a moment.

Sideswipe watched her leave for a moment, his eyes roaming over her, finally seeing what he could. He then turned back to Optimus and gave a respectful salute before walking after Lily, racing to be by her side.

Optimus watched the pair go, and he smiled to himself. Ironhide caught the smile and spoke. "What are you thinking, Optimus?"

Optimus shrugged, still having that knowing smile on his face. "You'll see it soon enough," he said simply, leaving everyone to glance at each other confused at the Prime's words.

***Share My Demons***

Lily and Sideswipe drove back to her house in utter silence. The route was a little longer, since Sideswipe took care to avoid the town for her sake. Although he would never admit it, he enjoyed just having her to his own company. He cleared his throat as they drove and she looked at his holoform. "Um…you didn't have to defend me like that,"

Lily bit her lip awkwardly. "Well…he was just yelling at you without hearing your side…" she said, tugging on a lock of her straight fawn colored hair. The jacket she had clutched at had disappeared the moment she tossed it into the back seat. Sideswipe chuckled.

"In war, there are no two sides, no room for error, Lily. Lennox was right to lecture me; I never should have left your side," Sideswipe said firmly and gently. Lily glared at him. "Well you did, but it was to chase after some enemy, right? So technically, you were caught between two job and chose to follow your main…directive." She said, wanting to say mission. "You are at no fault in that," she said.

Sideswipe tensed, but spoke his thoughts nonetheless. "Would you be saying that if I hadn't returned in time?" he expected her to snap at him, to push him away, seeing her tense, her eyes growing angry.

Lily instead growled. "Yes, I would. Because I know you _still_ would've stopped them. Sideswipe, in all these nine years, no one has ever stopped them. People around here are scared of them, and look the other way when they close in. You _stopped_ them. I would still be saying this, because I am certain that you would've stopped them," she said, her hand falling to the seat, as she hesitated about where to put it.

Sideswipe tensed when she touched the seat, or rather him. She didn't notice. He cleared his throat again. "Um….you sing?" he asked casually. Lily, wanting to throw her defenses back up, merely nodded, her eyes shy. "It was the only thing that kept me sane after he first…." She trailed off, not wanting the memories to drown her. It was after she stopped singing that she started cutting – but she wasn't about to let Sideswipe know that fact. She was going to help him, and forget about herself.

"But… that's not important." She said softly. To her surprise, Sideswipe lifted a hand from the steering wheel, and gently placed his palm over hers. She blinked, looking down in shock at their hands. His voice came from the radio, from the real him.

"If it's important to you….then it's important to me," he said gently. "Lily, I'm here for you. I would die before I let them hurt you like that again, understand?" he murmured softly. Lily's eyes softened.

No one had ever said something like that to her.

Sideswipe's holoform smiled, and he decided to bring their conversation back into a lighter world. "So…you got a boyfriend I'm gonna meet?" he teased to her. Lily smiled, her face brightening in the slightest when he jested at her.

"Nope. Never had one," she said casually.

Sideswipe blinked and looked at her in surprise. "Really? Never one?" he asked, clearly surprised. With her natural beauty, and the beauty he was beginning to see within her, how could she not.

Lily shook her head. "No. Those monsters basically claimed me when they-"

"-Lily, don't talk about it. You never have to worry about them again, ok?" He said, his hand gently squeezing hers. Lily looked back down at their hands, his darker skin making hers look paler than usual in the dimming light.

She then turned her hand over, so their palms were touching, and wound her fingers into his, tentatively. It was a gesture of comfort both ways. "Ok," she murmured, a soft smiled claiming her lips.

Sideswipe turned to her, looking her right in the eye, and smiled himself. They had taken a step down this long road of friendship. At last.

When they reached her house, Sideswipe opened the door for her, using his true form and got out. Lily smiled, her hand suddenly feeling cold as it lifted away from her, and got out herself, gently closing the door, so different from her slam back at the NEST base. He smiled, and waited for her to round the hood before he walked by her side. Something kept turning over and over in his mind, and he felt a strange unsettlement in his stomach, turning it over. He finally recognized the feeling.

He was nervous. When they reached the door, Sideswipe stepped in front of Lily, looking down at the smaller human with those eyes of his. Lily's green ones locked onto his, and he tentatively spoke, his hand reaching up to push some of her hair behind her ear gently, the tops of his nails gently grazing her cheek and making her shiver slightly. When he spoke, it was hesitant.

"You said you've never had a boyfriend…and those things surely do not give you any affections." His voice was laced with worry. Lily nodded slightly, her eyes never leaving his.

"And those words that Mammoth said…who would want you?" he continued gently, not noticing how they were closing the distance between each other. Lily nodded again. Sideswipe's gaze dropped down to her lips, and hers to his as the distance closed all the more, and when he spoke, the human felt her hart skip a beat, and her cheeks flame.

"Lily…..would you let me want you?" Sideswipe asked tenderly, his hand cupping one side of her face. Lily's eyes widened in shock.

**Whoa. Just, what?! How could I leave you guys with this? Well, originally, I WAS going to add more but, honestly, let's have some fun with this. Cause…..I WANT YOU GUYS TO DECIDE! Yes, I'm pulling the lazy card. Should Lily and Sideswipe kiss sometime next chapter? And again, updates will not be as frequent because honestly, these long chapters are a PAIN to write….especially since I'm just going with my gut in this story. Speaking of which, what did you guys think? Please click that little Review button down below, and let me know what you thought! And yes, if this is too soon for them, and you guys want their first kiss to be more romantic, I understand completely, and I do have an alternate in case we want their kiss later down the road. Just let me know, and I will see ya'll next Chapter!**


	4. Where they Hide

**I do not own Transformers, only anything unrecognizable. **

**Hehe! I'm back, with an extra long chapter today! Now, quick thing guys; It might sound insignificant, but it's actually very important. The chapter titles are song titles. So far, they have been Broken by Seether ft. Evanesence. Chapter 2 was Say it Now by the Afters. Chapter 3 was Demons by Imagine Dragons. I select these because they are, at least I hope, relevant to the story, in particular the chapter. Plus, it gives you guys something to listen to and understand the depth of the story much more appropriately. This Chapter is called New way to Bleed(the song by Evanesence), because of what happens at the very end of this chapter. **

**Oh, and quick announcement. I started school a few weeks back, which I why I vanished, and I MIGHT be moving so….yeah….. I'll update and write when I can. **

**Now, back to the current chapter. Sideswipe and Lily do kiss in this chapter, but not the way anyone imagined. ;) **

**Reviews!**

**transformationsgirl****: Well, they do kiss. And thank you, I didn't expect that compliment. :)**

**galaxypa****: I'm glad. I hope this extra long chapter is good as well. **

**movielover121796****: Yes, they will kiss. Just not how you're thinking. :3**

**blufizz****: Oooohhh….. you're either gonna love me after this chapter, or hate me. I hope I don't anger you. :3**

**TigerLilly1995****: Something tells me you're going to like this kiss. And thank you!**

**Bee4ever****: I'm so glad you like this story! Again, this kiss isn't going to be what anyone expects, so I hope you enjoy this update. **

**Kazma-sama****: Well, you sorta know what's gonna happen. ;) I hope you like this new kiss! And, I will be reading your story soon! With GOOD REVIEWS!**

**ShadowStarfallen****: I should probably hide, shouldn't i?**

**Guest: Don't kill meh for this!**

**RaisingHeart001****: Whoa! I'm so glad to see you're reading this one too. I can't wait for updates on your story! And don't worry, I think you'll understand why I did what I did. :3**

**Autobot Slipstream****: I'm glad you love it. I hope you like this chapter too. :D**

**Foreign Inhabitant: Yay! I'm so glad you took a look! And thank you very much. I can't wait to read more of your story though. ^^**

**Socks:Thank you, and again…..this kiss no one saw coming. ^^ I hope you like. **

**AZRAEL: Lol, don't worry. ^^ And I wonder…..**

**Luna Uchia666: Thanks, and here is your more!**

**PLEASE STAY TUNED AFTER THIS CHAPTER WITH ANNOUNCEMENTS ON "SAHRE MY DEMONS"!**

**ONWARDS WITH THE STORY!**

_"Lily…..would you let me want you?" Sideswipe asked tenderly, his hand cupping one side of her face. Lily's eyes widened in shock._

Then, she narrowed them again and she pushed away from him. "Is that just what you say to every girl you sleep with?" she growled, her heart feeling wounded. "Or was all this a trick just so you could do what you want with me and get on with your _job_?" she snarled.

Sideswipe's eyes widened, and he shook his head. Had he just said that? _Frag!_ "Lily, no! I- I didn't… what I meant was-"

Lily blinked, trying to hold back her anger. She looked down and sighed, breaking Sideswipe's speech. He sighed as well, the moment lost. He spoke softly. "I didn't mean it like that," he said softly. "I just….. Lily, I know I couldn't take back what I said, but I just…." He rubbed the back of his head nervously. "What I meant w- mph!" Lily had grabbed the back of his head and dragged him down to her, kissing him. Sideswipe froze, clearly taken by surprise, and before he could even comprehend the feel of her lips on his, or even register he was so shocked, she pulled away and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

She looked at him, a mischievous glint in her eyes. Lily put one hand on her hip, and spoke triumphantly. "If baby Sideswipe wanted a good night kiss so badly, just say so," she teased him, her voice barely holding back laughter, walking past him and into the house, leaving a stunned holoform out on her porch.

A grin slowly spread across his face and he looked back at her door. He growled competitively. "Oh, it is _on_, little fleshy," he growled to the wood. He shook his head, but let the holoform disappear, unaware of the red optics that had followed his every move.

***Share my Demons***

Lily awoke that morning, dragging the pillow over her head and pressing it against her as if trying to block out noises and sunlight. She hated mornings, and luckily, there weren't any crashes in her bathroom this time around. She felt herself blushing at the memory of how close she and Sideswipe had gotten when they had fallen. Suddenly she stiffened, and smelled something very peculiar. Sitting up, she looked at her open door, and was surprised to hear something like a faint sizzling coming from her kitchen, the smell containing a slight warmth.

Lily grumbled, and plopped her head back down, trying once more to sleep, but the smell finally registered as food, and her stomach wailed for sustenance. Lily sighed, and got up, sliding out of bed in her baggy pajamas and her white tank top, forgetting her scars for the moment. Rubbing one eyes, she froze in the doorway to her kitchen. Sideswipe was at her stove, flipping pancakes, and bacon was sizzling on the frying pan.

She felt her jawdrop, and Sideswipe turned to her and smiled. "Good morning, sleepy head," he said cheerfully. Lily instantly looked around. She pinched herself sharply, and yelped before looking at him, unsure if she was truly seeing what she was seeing. He laughed at her reaction. "What? I got bored, and I learned to cook by watching the mess hall cooks at NEST," he protested as he placed three pancakes on the plate and gave her the strips of bacon. Lily looked at him, holding the plate as she stared.

"Why would you ever cook? You don't eat!" she finally got out, shaking her head. Sideswipe chuckled. "You really think I'd cook? Lily, those are your microwave pancakes and I made the sizzling with my holoform. I got the bacon from a human restaurant and reheated it." But he shrugged. "If you want to spoil my cooking for you magic, go on ahead," he said, as if he hadn't just confessed he couldn't cook.

Lily looked down at the pancakes, and remembered their fake kiss last night. She glared up at him. "What did you do to them?" she demanded monotonely. Sideswipe looked wounded. "You really think I would poison your food?" he asked, before turning serious. "I may be stuck with you, Fleshy, but I wouldn't take the easy way out. Optimus and Lennox would take turns killing me," he said, putting away the spatula. Lily took a fork from her silverware drawer, still eyeing him suspiciously.

She sat down, her gaze never leaving him as he moved about her kitchen, putting away the supplies he had gotten out for show. Lily cut out a small piece of one of the pancakes, and brought it to her mouth, eating it without looking down. Suddenly, the strangest cold flavor filled her mouth, and she looked down. Green food coloring was oozing from her pancake, and her eyes widened, and she spat out the bite she had just taken. It had the green food coloring in it as well.

Sideswipe began to laugh, bracing himself against the counter as Lily glared at him, trying to see her green tongue as she poked it out and wiggled it, trying to see it. He closed his eyes, laughing and Lily smiled to herself before taking the pancake and throwing it at him, the green coloring splattering over his shirt. Sideswipe gasped as he saw the green color staining the white shirt. He pretended to be wounded.

"A food fight? Lily, I thought we were friends!" he mocked comically. Lily stuck her emerald colored tongue out at him before standing and walking to the bathroom to wash her mouth out. Sideswipe chuckled and threw the pancakes into the garbage so she wouldn't have to get green tongue again. The bacon he kept, since nothing was wrong with it. He chuckled to himself and he called to her absently. "I warned you it was on, Lily," he said absently.

He heard a faint noise of confusion, and she spoke, her voice muffled. "What's on?"

Sideswipe chuckled. "Does Sideswipe need a kiss good night?" he mocked her. He heard laughter from her bathroom, echoing deliciously around him.

"Oh, so your male ego was wounded, so you begin a prank war?" she summed up.

Sideswipe pretended to look thoughtful, knowing full well she couldn't see him. "Yeah, pretty much," he called. Lily came around the corner, her tongue cleaned from the food coloring and she smiled at him. Sideswipe found himself gazing at that smile, thinking briefly of how her lips had felt against his. He shook himself before handing her the bacon and walking to her couch. Lily hadn't noticed his stare and gazed after him, wondering about the sudden change in mood. She shrugged and settled herself in her corner, and began to nibble her bacon.

Sideswipe turned on the TV, hoping for some sort of distraction, but his Spark kept racing at the thought of her smile, and the way she had sang yesterday at NEST base. Why? Why was she filling his thoughts? He had meant every word yesterday when he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to want her.

But….he couldn't. He was just there to protect her. He growled at himself. His Spark probably was just playing tricks on him, making him want a _human_ of all things. He missed Sunstreaker, and he would admit it. He saw some of Sunstreaker in Lily. That's all.

Lily blinked and absently went through her phone, a few new texts from Sana, a few missed calls from Sana, one from her father, a few new emails – Lily froze.

A call from her _father_? She stared at the little notification on her phone in amazement. Her dad never called her. Not since he found out that she cut. He had left a voice mail message. She was about to listen to it, her finger aiming for the call VoiceMail button, but she froze at the last second. Her father strongly felt that Lily needed special help and wanted to send her off to an inpatient center and leave her there. To him, if one wasn't perfect, then they shouldn't associate with him. She bit her lip, and pressed call and pressed the phone to her ear.

"_Lily? Come on, sweetheart, pick up its Dad. Lily, honey, we haven't talked in months, please pick up."_ There was a moment of silence.Lily pulled the phone away from her ear and hit the end call button. She just couldn't listen to his voice. Sideswipe spoke. "Lily? Optimus and the others are going to be here shortly. Do you want me to do anything?"

_Take away my past would be a good idea._ Lily thought sarcastically. But she pasted a smile on, and stood from her chair. "Nope. Just let me know when they're here," she said, walking back to her room. She changed, putting on a gray t shirt that hugged her form, and kept her arms bare. She glanced down at her scars, wondering if she should cover them. Biting her lip, she remembered her parent's reaction to her cutting, and quickly grabbed a sweater, slipped it on, and pulled denim shorts on. Keeping her feet bare, Lily went back into her bed, laying on top of the cool sheets, her back to the door. She watched as a small bird flitted to a branch right outside her door, and it began to sing cheerfully, and she tried to let the song touch her. But it didn't.

Grumbling, Lily rolled on her bed, and not bothering to get up, reached for a drawer on her nightstand. Pulling the top one open, she dug out a pair of golden headphones, and plugged the audio in spike into her phone, and flipped to her music app. She scrolled through her songs for a moment before she just rolled her eyes, and pressed shuffle. The first song to play was "Holding onto Heaven" by Nickelback. She settled back against the sheets, and just relaxed as the soothing notes of the intense song filled her. She didn't hear the knock on her door, so she was startled when a hand touched her arm, and grabbed it with a surprising strength. Instantly, she threw her fist into the chest of her grabber, and was surprised to hear Sideswipe's surprised yell. She looked up, and yanked her headphones around her neck as Sideswipe stumbled back.

He glared at her, one hand over where his heart would be. "What was that for?!" he demanded angrily. Lily instantly felt protective. "Hey, I'm not the one who scares people!" she protested hotly.

Sideswipe growled, shaking his head. "Optimus and Lennox are here," Lily noticed that whatever warmth she and he were slowly showing each other had vanished. She couldn't help but feel satisfied. The less people she was attached to, the less people that got hurt. She nodded, glared at him until he backed out of the room, and closed the door, giving her some last moments of privacy.

Sideswipe placed his hand flat on her door, and leaned into it, his forehead leaning into it. What was in this dark future he now had? Was any of this meaningful?

**I know that this is crazy short and all, but I need to move forwards with this, and skip ahead in the next chapter, so this is the ideal place to stop, actually. But, yes! They did kiss! Not in the way anyone expected, but hey, it was a game to both right now. That's all this is to each other, a game. So, next chapter, I WILL type A HUGE chapter, but I had to get this one out… sorry….. Til Next time! Oh, and quick things! If there is anything you guys want to see betweem them APPROPRIATELY AS THE STORY PROGRESSES, let me know! It might actually appear! Now press that little button down there for feedback! See ya!**


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